Dolan: Freedom food fight

Mike Furno

I had already made up my mind about our president, but I was still holding out for our legislators until today: our government really is a bunch of idiots. Republican Representatives Bob Ney and Walter Jones decided to change the name of French fries to “freedom fries” in a ridiculous ploy to strike back at the French for not supporting our war in Iraq.

It seems to me that our officials have been reduced to little children fighting in the schoolyard. Little Bobby and Wally are teasing the French exchange student, while George W, the schoolyard bully, continually threatens to knock the teeth out of that dorky Hussein kid. And in true form the intellectual French made the big bullies look stupid when they retorted to this moronic ploy pointing out that French fries are really Belgian. Duh. Well America sure showed those guys a thing or two there.

America seems to be the gang of kids from the wrong side of the tracks, daring all those goody-two-shoes overseas to be a little bad. We taunt the United Nations to give in to our peer pressure, telling Germany and Russia that all the cool people are doing it. But truly, we are really all by ourselves in this, and we have only convinced those weaklings who hope to cozy up to a bully and get protection or popularity by association.

The tactics we have resorted to are amazing. Watching “Meet the Press” last Sunday, I heard Colin Powell resort to the old “I’m still right no matter what you say,” when the anchor pointed out that some of the evidence the administration was using against Iraq was based on falsified documents. I know it is hard for little kids to accept things, but grown adults should admit when they are wrong and move on. Powell should not hold on to the “That’s my story and I’m sticking to it” philosophy when he is helping to run the most powerful nation in the world.

If we want to continue our devolution into a bunch of countries run by men with the mentalities of children, we might as well solve this with a fight after school behind the bleachers. Or better yet, why not have Bush start a food fight, tossing a plate of “Freedom Fries” across the lunchroom to disarm Iraq. Think of it as exporting our fast food industry to the Middle East, which is probably part of the administration’s plans for rebuilding Iraq anyway.