Seniors, if the real world is anything like ‘The Real World’…

Kevin R. Clark

Like many seniors at Villanova, I am both anxious and nervous about getting out into the real world; working, playing and building my own life. After Tuesday evening’s screening of MTV’s Real World Philadelphia, though, I realize that I shouldn’t be fretting at all because the Real World is nothing to worry about.

Visiting the Career Center is unnecessary from now on because it’s pretty certain that a rock star will provide a glamorous and fun job that requires no more than 15 hours a week so that I can focus on loving myself and my tight bod for the rest of the time.

The stress of searching for lodging must be a fear tactic used by local governments because upon graduation obviously we will all be put up in a furnished historic restored mansion with hot strangers and a sweet showercam.

My reservations about working my life away in the paper-white blankness of suburbia have also been calmed, as I will be guaranteed at least one black roommate, usually a Hispanic, a homosexual or two and a naïve Midwestern hottie who hasn’t left his adolescent cocoon but is anxious to experience all that big city life has to offer.

The best part of the real world that none of us college folk know about, though, is the absence of decision making. We will each have a team of writers to craft us the coolest lives and realities ever. We don’t have to choose our clothes because everyone gets a brand new wardrobe of the raddest gear with all the coolest brands plastered on our breasts, butts and toned pecs. Our writers will create thankfully surmountable drama and sexual situations where our mothers and fathers in a few months will be able to celebrate the carnally promiscuous young men and women we have grown up to become. I’ve been told that it’s easy for the real world to swallow people up, but that is also a falsehood. The only thing that will swallow us up is our confessional booth where we can go talk about ourselves and our writers’ direction of our lives in half hour increments.

Fellow seniors, I am pleased to inform you that we have little to worry about after this year. While the situations and egos on our new favorite television show are robotic and artificial and in no way represent the individual reality that we all will craft in coming years, the reassuring gayness of this real world season can at least give us some comfort.

I refer to the homosexual content of it, but I describe the happy gayness that it should create within our viewing community.

The fact that we are getting more and more comfortable in mainstream culture with the biological differences in homosexual attraction might help bring us into a real world of tolerance, peace and love.

Thanks MTV for such great programming, and keep watching kids!