What really sticks in my craw

Kai Beasley

You know what really sticks in my craw? Stupid questions. Now don’t get me wrong, Villanova. I enjoy the occasional stupid question as much as the next guy. I mean, a lot of them can be quite funny.

For example, “Don’t you find it a bit scary that doctors call what they do ‘practice?'” or “Would a fly without wings be called a walk?” or my personal favorite, “How do you have self-help GROUPS?”

See, now those questions I can find very funny in their stupidity. But other questions just really annoy me.

Example: I was speaking with a compatriot of mine the other day, and he was commenting on a particular female that he had been courting for the better part of two months. He was talking about how much he liked her and how “hot” she was and such; then he recited an excerpt from a conversation that they had the night before in which she asked him, “Are you going to hurt me?”

What the heckkind of question is that?! That question really sticks in my craw. And before you think me too harsh, consider the following dialogue:

John Everyperson: You know what Joan? I, I just think you’re different. I’ve never felt this way before about anyone. You’re smart, you’re funny and you’re just a joy to be around. I really like you. (I invented that line)

Joan Everyperson: Wow, John, I feel the same way, but I’m scared. I mean I’ve been hurt in the past, and I’m so confused. I just don’t know what to do right now. And I’ve heard that you’re a big-time player on campus. I need you to tell me the truth. Are you going to hurt me?

John Everyman: Oh … ummm, (sucks air through his teeth) Is that not okay? Because … ’cause actually yeah. I was planning on hurting you. So if that doesn’t work for you, then I don’t know … jeez this is awkward.

Joan Everyperson: Oh, umm, yeah.

John Everyman: Yeah, it’s just that there’s this thing on Friday with this other girl that I really like, and I was kind of hoping to make you think that I liked you, have relations with you and leave you wallowing in self pity.

Ok, now here’s my question: who does that?! Does that seem the least bit realistic to you Villanova? Does anyone, man or woman, who asks that question expect to get an honest answer?

First of all, I’m sure that the vast majority of people that hurt someone emotionally did not intend to do it from the outset, and for the few (maybe not so few) evil people who do like to hurt people, I’m pretty sure that they’re going to do what they’re going to do. I’m going to go out on a limb and say that if I planned on hurting someone, I wouldn’t let honesty ruin my plans.

Therefore, the question “Are you going to hurt me?” has no point.

You are going to get the same answer every time you ask it, and you sure as heck won’t like the answer if someone is honest about it and tells you that “yes,” they do plan on hurting you.

That’s like asking Enron if they were planning on cooking the books, or asking Michael Jackson if he was planning on sharing his bed with little boys (or turning from a poor black boy to a rich white woman for that matter).

The point I’m trying to make is that you cannot rely on someone to tell you the truth about themselves early on.

People have their own agendas and they are going to stick to them no matter what.

Instead, have enough confidence in yourself to know what’s right and what’s wrong. To quote the great philosopher Obi Wan Kenobi, “Listen to you’re feelings.” Trust yourself.

And that’s what really sticks in my craw. Good luck, Villanova, and godspeed.