The Wisecat: Valentines Day Edition

Tina Lamsback

Dear Curious Celebrator,

“February 14, observed in honor of St. Valentine as a day for the exchange of valentines and other tokens of affection,” is what the dictionary calls Valentine’s Day. How brief of a definition is that? It’s slightly disappointing. Depending on whom you ask, definitions would range from the most simple and bitter to the most complex and lovey-dovey. If you had asked me four months ago, I would have said it was a complete and utter throw-up of the colors red, pink and white. An exaggeration of one’s affection for another, an over-compensation for other holidays and complete exhaustion. Why can’t we go back to the fourth grade when we decorated boxes and placed them at the edge of our desk hoping that Paul would place one in our box for us?

Part of me still feels this way, questioning, why the need for a holiday for lovers? Is it just to create a spectacle? The other part of me asks the question, what makes the world want to be with a significant other? Is it the media that makes us think that we should have someone else? Because in my world we don’t need anyone but ourselves. However cynical that might seem, it is true. We must love and understand ourselves before linking with another. I have seen so many cases where insecure individuals think the answer to all their problems is a relationship. This is unwise on so many levels. Life is not fixed by a specific instance but by a specific person: you. And when you have evaluated yourself, get back to me because then it is time to find another, a significant other.

Four months ago, I would have used this day as a crutch, closing my heart to any option, saying that I was independent and didn’t need anyone to “rely” on because I could do everything on my own. As the re-evaluation took place, I soon asked myself why was I running? Was I running? Or had I not realized that a relationship was not a sense of dependency, but a two-way street, working together for the same common goal?

All people have pre-meditated motives that define them as they walk through the door. The kid who wants to be the life of the party, the bookworm, the shy one or, my absolute favorite, the go-to guy. Each is thinking he is the only person with a relationship problem. Do me a favor, Villanova, walk through the quad, I dare you, and you tell me that there is no one else wondering why they haven’t found someone. I can tell you that right now, some senior is reading up on how many Wildcats marry each other and thinking, what is going to happen to me? I only have a couple months left; where is he or she? It isn’t going to come that easy. Do you know the old saying, “Good things come to those who wait”? Yes, I know you have been waiting, and hey, I would have said that was a load of bull too, but you will see, I promise.

As you can tell, I rarely respond to advice by giving my personal experience in this column. However, let’s just say that according to a post-bitter college girl, life gets better. I learned to be patient, which I am terrible at, and learned that I am not dependant on anyone; no one person defines me; I am independent. Life is complicated, but that is what makes it so special. If you asked me four months ago, I would have said that Valentine’s Day is like a dusty Post-It note that you left on your computer reminding those in a relationship that they are still in one and those who are single that they are currently single. I still would say it today, but something about that statement would mean something different to me. Valentine’s Day is irrelevant. GASP! Yes, I did say it. But why is it irrelevant? It’s irrelevant because relationships should not be defined by one day that you spend with your significant others, but by every day that you spend with them. The little notes that you receive on your desk when they slip into your room late at night while you’re sleeping, the hug that you get after receiving a bad test grade or the surprise that is outside your window when things just are not going as planned; those instances are Valentine’s Day. Everyday could be a version of Valentine’s Day.