Aries (March 21-April 19)It’s Candidates’ Day this weekend. Don’t terrorize potential students and their families; it’s just not nice.

Taurus (April 20-May 20)Although you love dressing up as the Easter Bunny to entertain your little cousins every year, they’re all in junior high now, and they know it’s you. Maybe you’ll have better luck as the Tooth Fairy.

Gemini (May 21-June 21)No one has to know that you watched “Sound of Music” all three nights over the weekend and that you know all the words and dances by heart. Errr, whoops.

Cancer (June 22-July 22)The chocolate Jesus exhibit was cancelled, so go on a road trip to find out what happened to the statue. That’s a waste of chocolate.

Leo (July 23-Aug. 22)It’s a good thing you’re not a chocolate bunny because you would have gotten eaten over the weekend.

Virgo (Aug. 23-Sept. 22)Your friends will suggest a good, old-fashioned Pop Rocks battle, in which you dump a package of the candy on your tongue and leave them there for as long as possible. This will not end well, and one of you will wind up in the emergency room with third degree burns on your tongue.

Libra (Sept. 23-Oct. 22)When some random girl who wants your boyfriend Facebook-stalks you, don’t get mad; it’s flattering … just don’t let her see your contact information just in case she’s crazy.

Scorpio (Oct. 23-Nov. 21)After babysitting your little cousin over Easter, you learn he has an obsession with rainbow tights and hair clips. Well, at least now you know what to get him for his birthday.

Sagittarius (Nov. 22-Dec. 21)If your ringtone is “This is Why I’m Hot,” then you are clearly not. Figure out that syllogism.

Capricorn (Dec. 22-Jan. 19)Mr. Potato Head is your friend. No, seriously.

Aquarius (Jan. 20-Feb. 18) Congratulations, you finally figured out how to get an A in your impossible class. Who would have thought that no accuracy and blatantly biased opinions that agree with your prof’s would earn you a B+ over a C-?

Pisces (Feb. 19-March 20)You can’t eat plastic Easter eggs. You have to open them if you want the chocolate pieces inside, genius.