Scorpio (Oct. 23-Nov. 21) Since you were so bored over fall break, you spent five straight days watching movies. While it may have been fun, you will now begin to speak almost exclusively in movie quotations.

Sagittarius (Nov. 22-Dec. 21) When you get to class, your professor will remind you that you still owe her a research paper. You won’t improve the situation when you respond, “Frankly, my dear, I don’t give a damn.”

Capricorn (Dec. 22-Jan. 19) Your roommate will borrow $20 from you and “forget” to pay you back. Your plan for getting it back: follow him around and constantly shout, “Show me the money!”

Aquarius (Jan. 20-Feb. 18) Your flag football team’s sagging record will suddenly rebound after your motivating speech: “Rule No. 76: No excuses! Play like a champion!”

Pisces (Feb. 19-March 20) To satisfy a late-night craving, you will order Domino’s. However, when the driver arrives, you will realize that you are $5 short. It’s okay; just bargain with him. Make him an offer he can’t refuse.

Aries (March 21-April 19) After years of practice, you are finally ready for the challenge and will enter the International Rock-Paper-Scissors Championship. The stars’ only guidance: “May the force be with you.”

Taurus (April 20-May 20) It’s time for the crucial job interview. When your potential future employer steps out of his office and calls your name, it’s probably not a good idea to respond, “You talkin’ to me?”

Gemini (May 21-June 21) When you ask your roommate to go to the store to buy some eggplant, he will return with both a carton of eggs and a small tree. What we’ve got here is a failure to communicate.

Cancer (Jun 22-July 22) You actually have a pretty nice little Saturday planned. You’re going to go to Home Depot. Yeah, buy some wallpaper, maybe get some flooring, stuff like that. Maybe Bed Bath & Beyond. You don’t know; you don’t know if you’ll have enough time.

Leo (July 23-Aug. 22) You were so entranced by that marathon on Spike over break that when someone asks you your name, you will instinctively respond, “Bond. James Bond.”

Virgo (Aug. 23-Sept. 22) You will annoy your roommate to no end when you signal every time you leave the room by saying, “I’ll be back.” (With the Arnold accent, of course.)

Libra (Sept. 23-Oct. 22) A black eye, a broken rib, a dislocated shoulder – who thought someone would take you so seriously when you said, “I want you to hit me as hard as you can”?