DiBiase: Specialty sports recipes just in time for holidays

Justin Dibiase

Thanksgiving is over, but it is still the holiday season. I know that there is nothing like Mom’s baked ziti or Grandma’s cookies, but it is time to try some new dishes. I have compiled some of my favorite recipes for you and your family to enjoy.

Villanova Final Four Casserole

1 cup Inside Presence

2 cups Clutch Guard Play

1 tablespoon Freshman Playing like Seniors

When cooked properly, this delectable dish will bring smiles to people’s faces across the globe. Topped off with a splash of 3-pointers, this entrée is sure to be a hit. Cooks beware: avoid foul trouble and inconsistency in order to ensure this treat’s best overall taste. Remember to preheat your oven to somewhere between “heating up” and “on fire” in order to complete this dish.

Home Run King Crab Legs

1 Set of Quick Wrists

1 Pair of Great Eyes

2 Genetically Superior Parents

1 Bad Attitude

1 Special Top Secret Ingredient

After taking your first bite of this holiday favorite, you will notice some physical changes in your own body to go along with the great taste. Do not worry if you notice shrinkage of certain organs, loss of hair or an enlarged head. This finger-lickin’ recipe only works with the help of my top secret ingredient. To obtain this key ingredient, visit BALCO laboratories in California, and remember the password is Palmiero.

National League MVP J-Rolls

20 Triples

30 Home Runs

41 Stolen Bases

139 Runs Scored

These J-Rolls are packed with energy from the first bite to the last! Texture, taste, and temperature; these rolls can do it all for the buttery roll connoisseur. These rolls are best when served with the Gold Glove Butter Spread and Never-Say-Die Margarine. Please note that these are J-Rolls, not Runner-Up Holiday Rolls, which are enhanced by means of injected Rocky Mountain thin air.

The Perfect Season Soup

1 Spy-Capable Video Camera

16 Wins

1 Passing Touchdown Record

1 Solid Defense

This holiday specialty is a relatively new recipe. It is an adaptation of the tasty Three-of-Four Super Bowls Bowl. The only difference between the two dishes is that the Perfect Season Soup is sprinkled with hints of Moss, Stallworth and Welker. This soup can only be perfected by experts. The last time that it was created successfully was in the year 1972 by master chef Don Shula.

The Michael Beasley Sweepstakes Cake

60-70 Losses

Inexperienced Rookies

Past-Their-Prime Veterans

1 Complacent General Manager

Several Ping Pong Balls

This delicious desert requires patience in order to be enjoyed. Pull this cake out of the oven too soon and your chance at enjoying this cake will be snatched up by a more patient consumer. The success of this dish, akin to the Greg Oden Sweepstakes Cake, often depends on luck. The cook may also want to offer sides of Derrick Rose and Eric Gordon.

The Generic Disney Sports Movie

Cheesecake

1 Lovable Underdog

1 Unbeatable Foe

1 Battle-Tested Coach

1 Intense Montage

1 Incredible Victory

This sweet treat is sure to please the warm hearted. Always predictable but always enjoyable, this dish often is composed of different ingredients but always tastes the same in the end.

The A-Rod Contract Truffle

275,000,000 Dollars

This desert is for the sweet-lovers out there, as the truffle is as rich as can be. Yes, you read right; the only ingredient is cold, hard cash. Consumer beware: an annoying little man by the name of Scott Boras may try to pilfer some of your rich truffle. Please note that this recipe oddly ceases to work in October after being delicious from the spring well into the summer.

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Justin DiBiase is a junior civil engineering major from Franklinville, N.J. He can be reached at [email protected]