Capricorn (Dec. 22-Jan. 19)

Congratulations! We’re over two weeks into the new year, and you’ve managed to uphold your resolution. But, come on – does giving up lima beans really count as an actual New Year’s resolution?

Aquarius (Jan. 20-Feb. 18)

In order to keep your resolution to get in shape this year, the stars have developed a ‘Nova-specific workout plan for you: 20 pushups for every time you see a popped collar, 50 situps for every time Scottie Reynolds scores a basket and an hour on the treadmill for every time you hear someone complain about the steps in Tolentine.

Pisces (Feb. 19-March 20)

Your resolution won’t survive to see February. Even though you vowed to never miss class, that snooze button will be just too tempting.

Aries (March 21-April 19)

While you may think it is hilarious, your resolution to refer to people exclusively by nicknames will not go over well with your friends … or your professors.

Taurus (April 20-May 20)

Your resolution to always be kind to others will be severely tested when your roommate decides to play Milli Vanilli’s new “Greatest Hits” CD on repeat.

Gemini (May 21-June 21)

While a resolution to try new things is excellent, enrolling in that interpretive dance class may not have been the best approach.

Cancer (June 22-July 22)

Make a resolution to make the effort to stay in touch with people who may have drifted out of your day-to-day life.

Leo (July 23-Aug. 22)

Don’t give up now! Your pledge to speak only in Pig Latin may be the greatest New Year’s resolution of all time.

Virgo (Aug. 23-Sept. 22)

Be realistic. Writing the great American novel was a bit too ambitious of a resolution. Maybe you should start smaller … like writing thank-you notes for your Christmas presents.

Libra (Sept. 23-Oct. 22)

Your resolution not to embarrass yourself in public ended as soon as it began. No one will forget that little dance number you did at the New Year’s party.

Scorpio (Oct. 23-Nov. 21)

While many people make good resolutions to change their diets, your decision to survive on only Swedish Fish doesn’t seem like it will have the same nutritional benefits.

Sagittarius (Nov. 22-Dec. 21)

Congratulations! You are the only one who will succeed in keeping a New Year’s resolution. (However, your resolution was not to make New Year’s resolutions, so the stars aren’t quite sure that really counts.)