KERNS: Superhate for the Superbowl



Bryan Kerns

Eli Manning or Tom Brady? What a terrible choice to have to make. Tom Coughlin or Bill Belichick? Satan or his brother-in-law? Jeremy Shockey or Randy Moss? Notoriously pompous tight end or criminal wide receiver? Some choices.

While John Edwards rambles on about his daddy and the mill, Mitt Romney changes positions, Hillary Clinton tries to keep Bill chained up in the basement and John McCain prays for continued resurrection, the rest of the country is gearing up for the preeminent TV event of the year: Super Bowl XLII.

Yes, that’s right; more people will be paying attention to the Super Bowl than will be paying attention to the race for the presidency. Since 2000, the top eight most-watched TV broadcasts have been the last eight Super Bowls.

Unfortunately, unless you’re from the New York metropolitan area or New England, you will not like either of the teams playing. That’s right: the two most hated teams in the league are together again for a one-night show, and everyone in this country will be watching.

Most of the people won’t have a team to root for, but nevertheless, the Super Bowl reigns supreme over all else. What an event it will be.

The undefeated Patriots, led by the swashbuckling impregnator Brady, against the unlikely Giants, led by the meekly and mildly magnificent-of-late Manning.

The Patriots are the heavy favorites and, based on football sense, the Giants stand little or no chance of beating the Belichick juggernaut. Fie, my friends, we are left with no choice at all.

Manning’s ascendancy to top-flight quarterback has not been without its controversies. In the past he has seemed more hoi polloi than highfalutin – not exactly a good way to come off in the glitz and glamour of the New York media market.

After all, the Giants quarterback is the publicity equivalent to the starting shortstop for the New York Yankees.

Not only is he expected to be in the limelight at all times, it is demanded. Leadership, poise, command and control are expected not only on the field, but off the field, the quarterback should make his appearances at movie premieres and needs to have good test shots for the magazine covers and cologne ads.

Poor Manning has been overshadowed both off the field and on the field by his opponent: Brady.

The three-time Super Bowl champion has it all: a good passer rating, a beautiful companion and endorsement deals. Unfortunately, he’s in Boston. Once again, some choices.

Really, though, this game is about the teams. I’m an Eagles fan, and we Eagles fans are used to losing – by wide margins, by small margins, all the time, almost never, in the regular season, in the playoffs. We are just used to losing. Winning generally comes as a surprise.

Take the Patriots, for instance, who have yet to lose a game this season. If they win, what fun is that?

The undefeated ’72 Dolphins will have nothing left to live for. The No-Name Defense of that team might as well start digging their graves if the Patriots win because we’ll never hear from them again.

As an Eagles fan, it’s horrible to even comprehend rooting for the Giants. In the same vein, it’s infuriating to think about rooting for an undefeated team. For the last time – some choices.

The Giants earned their spot with some real grit on the field over the past few weeks after some really terrible play throughout the regular season.

The Patriots earned theirs with one of the most impressive seasons in the history of professional sports despite getting caught cheating and probably doing God-only-knows-what-else the smug “genius” Belichick could come up with.

Despite this, I can’t get past my hate for these teams. To quote a great philosopher, this is really grinding my gears.

So, it’s come down to this: for any self-respecting sports fan outside of the Northeast, this is a lose-lose situation.

Ten days from now, these two reviled teams will take the field for the most spectacular show in all of America.

I don’t even want to watch because I can’t in good conscience pick one of these teams to cheer on.

Nevertheless, I’ll be watching. It’s what Americans do. We watch this game. Even if we hate the teams playing.

Boy, do I hate these teams.


Bryan Kerns is a freshman from Drexel Hill, Pa. He can be reached at [email protected].