Column (Justin DiBiase): Top sport figures make a run at presidential election
February 6, 2008
Super Sunday and Super Tuesday have both come and gone. With each passing day, we grow closer to a new reign in Washington D.C. With names like Clinton, Obama, McCain and Romney currently dominating presidential talks, dark horses lurk in the shadows waiting for their chances to take office in the nation’s capital. Sports figures often get involved in politics after their professional careers and are at times successful. Here is my list of prominent figures who may be ready to win America’s vote on Nov. 4.
Jay Wright
Party: None. He is the party.
Stances: Wright is a proud supporter of the Four-Guard Offense. He also is pro-half-court press but has strong reservations on policies regarding St. Joseph’s University.
Endorsements: Wright is endorsed by Armani, Gucci and Express.
Past Accomplishments: Wright’s teams have appeared in five NCAA tournaments, reaching the Sweet 16 twice. He has coached five NBA players, as well as Team U.S.A. in the Pan American Games.
Running Mate: Brett Gunning
Slogan: From the NIT to Capitol Hill.
Charles Barkley
Party: Independent
Stances: Barkley is actually preparing to make a run at governor of Alabama in 2014. He is focusing on “improving schools, cleaning up neighborhoods of drugs and crime and making Alabama a better place for all people.”
Endorsements: McDonald’s, Taco Bell, Titleist Golf
Past Accomplishments: Member of 1992 USA Basketball “Dream Team,” 1993 NBA MVP
Quotable: “I am not a role model.”
Slogan: A couple more pounds and I’ll be the next Taft.
Bud Selig
Party: Whatever is popular at the time
Past Accomplishments: Implemented stricter rules against performance-enhancing drugs about 10 years too late. Introduced Interleague Play in 1997.
Endorsements: None; no one truly likes him.
Running Mate: Barry Bonds
Slogan: I won’t let another steroids-era slip under my belt. Selig ’08!
Tony Romo
Party: Super Bowl Party (because he didn’t play in it)
Past Accomplishments: Dated Carrie Underwood. Dating Jessica Simpson. 0-2 in playoff games. Two Pro Bowls.
Endorsements: The Town of Cabo San Lucas, Jerry Jones
Running Mate: Terrell Owens
Slogan: This time, I’ll win the big one.
Stuart Scott
Party: ESPN Party
Stances: Pro-UNC. Anti-Duke.
Running Mate: Chris Berman
Slogan: A presidency as cool as the other side of the pillow. Boo-ya!
Will D. Cat
Party: Feline Party
Stances: Pro-catnip. Cat also proposes a bill to require public places to have litter boxes.
Endorsements: SPCA, “Cats” the musical, the Philadelphia Zoo
Running Mate: Garfield the Cat
Rationale: It gets pretty hot in that costume during games, so Cat can handle the heat of a presidency.
Slogan: Vote or I’ll paw you.
Chad Johnson
Party: The Dance Party
Stances: Instead of a presidential debate, Johnson challenged the other candidates to a danceoff. Johnson is also pro-pass but anti-run.
Endorsements: “Dancing With The Stars,” “So You Think You Can Dance?”
Running Mate: Carson Palmer
Slogan: Ocho-Cinco in Cero-Ocho!
Bill Belichick
Party: Almost Perfect Party
Most Likely To: Be involved in a wire-tapping scandal. (Watergate II, anyone?)
Biggest Drawback: Belichick refuses to change his attire until after the election.
Running Mate: Randy Moss (Straight Cash, Homey)
Slogan: This would be a nice consolation prize.