Aries (March 21-April 19)Those caution signs on the side of the highway are there for a reason. Be prepared when that boulder falls in front of you in the “Falling Rock” areas.

Taurus (April 20-May 20)Your professor may be cool with you not going to class to watch March Madness, but you need to make sure that there was actually a game on during that class you skipped.

Gemini (May 21-June 21)It’s time to wake up from the sugar coma induced by all that Easter candy. Don’t worry; nothing important happened this week – other than ‘Nova making the Sweet 16, the Endeavour undocking from the space station and a variety of other things.

Cancer (Jun 22-July 22)Your bracket is definitely busted, but that’s OK; so is everyone else’s. Start over again with the Sweet 16. The stars suggest picking randomly – you’ll probably do about as well.

Leo (July 23-Aug. 22) When you’re bored this weekend, scan the news outlets for the Lil’ Kelly Bandits, the sequel to the Barbie Bandits. Maybe they’ll stick up a piggy bank.

Virgo (Aug. 23-Sept. 22)No matter how many times you MapQuest or Google or get Yahoo Directions to a location, if you put in the wrong address, you will not arrive at your destination. On the plus side, maybe you’ll find a fun restaurant or store.

Libra (Sept. 23-Oct. 22)The highly anticipated season has finally arrived. No, not spring – registration time. It’s time to carefully plan which courses and professors work best with your sleep schedule.

Scorpio (Oct. 23-Nov. 21)Good luck convincing your professors that making it to the Sweet 16 means that all homework planned for this weekend should be postponed until later in the week (or completely forgotten). It’s all for school spirit and community!

Sagittarius (Nov. 22-Dec. 21)Take the lull in work before finals to reassess your lifestyle. Take into account the seven new deadly sins – polluting and taking drugs included.

Capricorn (Dec. 22-Jan. 19)While it probably seemed like a good idea at the time, challenging your roommate to a Peeps-eating race this weekend will mostly likely not end well; 20 Peeps are really too many for any one person to eat.

Aquarius (Jan. 20-Feb. 18)In the new “Where’s Waldo,” the readers will need to find the governor who has not performed some criminal activity either while in office or shortly before coming to office.

Pisces (Feb. 19-March 20)Take pictures of your luggage next time you decide you want to fly to Florida, that way you have proof that the giant hole was damage the airlines did.