The WiseCat

Tina Lamsback

Dear WiseCat,

Is there a difference between “just love” and “absolutely in love”? Do you think people just settle for what comes before them for fear that “absolute love” will never show?


Hoping for Absolute

Dear Hoping for Absolute,

Excuses. Without a doubt every day I hear someone – whether it be a friend or a complete stranger – making an excuse for something that they did not want to or could not do because of a prior commitment. Why do we make excuses? Why do we settle for mediocrity? Are we scared of letting ourselves go? Are we scared of saying that we do not agree or want something that is set before us? Why don’t we just say it? Let me make this clear: I understand that saying how you feel does just not come over night; it takes a long time to approach a situation and say that you do not agree with it.

Excuses. They tend to give us an out, right? Or do they? We’re asked to do something that we are unable to do and thus concoct some reason why we are unable to complete this task, thus creating an out. Sometimes the whole excuse scenario does work, but then there are other times when we get pulled into whatever it is we didn’t want to do just because we feel bad. Does that mean we’re settling?

All too often, I hear people talk about relationships and it seems as though they are settling. They act as though this relationship, whether romantic or not, is the only thing they have in the world. So why do we settle? I can only assume that we settle because we’re scared – scared to be alone, scared to be our only friend.

Sounds lonely doesn’t it? But if you are going to enter into a relationship where you “just love” someone and are not “absolutely in love,” don’t you think there is a complete difference? I would say so. Why wouldn’t you want to be completely in love with someone? Maybe I’m asking for too much? But I don’t think so.

It is OK to pass up the mixed “just love” feelings in order to wait for the “absolutely in love” feelings.” Because if you don’t, you might always regret the could-have-would-have-and-should-have person.

Make every decision count. Don’t mull over a situation just because you love talking about it. Let it be for a while, and then revisit it. There is no mistake if you go for it in this situation because even if it goes wrong, at some point you loved every moment. Go with that learning experience and see how it goes, but just don’t jump into something to pacify your current need of “just love.” Do us all a favor and make it “absolute.”