Libra (Sept. 23-Oct. 22)

No matter what your teacher calls it, the midterm quiz, exam, test or paper is still going to bring on at least one all-nighter.

Scorpio (Oct. 23-Nov. 21)

In case the air conditioning, or lack there of, in the academic buildings isn’t messing with your outfit choices enough, the fall weather has definitely decided that despite all efforts you will be both freezing cold and roasting hot over the course of the day.

Sagittarius (Nov. 22-Dec. 21)

If you think what you are about to do is a good idea, be careful; it probably isn’t. You might want to ask a friend, preferably someone smarter than you.

Capricorn (Dec. 22-Jan. 19)

It is OK to stop listening when your professors explain to you, yet again, how to write a thesis statement. Just make sure you can actually write one first.

Aquarius (Jan. 20-Feb. 18)

When the professor tells you that you can write a paper about anything, they probably don’t mean you can write your paper on “Entourage” or “Sex and the City.”

Pisces (Feb. 19-March 20)

Take this weekend to plan all the fun things you’re going to do over fall break. Don’t worry about all those midterms and papers due next week; they aren’t as important as your vacation.

Aries (March 21-April 19)

As easy as it is for your friends to understand that “omg, my bff is gr8” is an excited compliment, your professors do not know what you are talking about. Leave all letters substituting for words out of papers and conversations with them.

Taurus (April 20-May 20)

By now you’ve discovered you can no longer stream TV shows from surfthechannel.com. Looks like now you’ll have to actually watch them on time – or find a new Web site.

Gemini (May 21-June 21)

When you have a fax or copier problem, take a lesson from “Office Space” and attack it with a baseball bat.

Cancer (June 22-July 22)

It’s nice that you’re comfortable with your guy friends, but you don’t need to wear matching orange Polos when you go out.

Leo (July 23-Aug. 22)

That mouse you found in your house is probably not going to hurt you, but the stars would not recommend keeping it as a pet. Gus Gus does not want to live like a college student, even if you name it Peanuts.

Virgo (Aug. 23-Sept. 22)

Be happy your girlfriend’s mother likes you. You’re only one misstep away from being the next banned boyfriend.