Scorpio (Oct. 23-Nov. 21)

Extra points for playing games in the rain last weekend. Too bad you lost them for not doing laundry; your clothes are going to be brown and dingy for the rest of time.

Sagittarius (Nov. 22-Dec. 21)

Don’t be “that guy” in your classes. At least do something that can be construed as class work or note taking.

Capricorn (Dec. 22-Jan. 19)

Be careful planning your Halloween costumes for this weekend. You don’t want to be the one the stars are laughing at next week.

Aquarius (Jan. 20-Feb. 18)

When at a house party, it’s probably a bad idea to drink that pitcher of Kool-Aid as though it were water – it definitely isn’t.

Pisces (Feb. 19-March 20)

If you haven’t already gone through and de-tagged those pictures on Facebook from last weekend, it’s probably time.

Aries (March 21-April 19)

While it is possible for someone to jump over someone who is over 5 feet tall while shooting a basketball, you should leave that to professionals and not try it at home.

Taurus (April 20-May 20)

All the new coffee flavors of the fall season are leading you to consume a few too many lattes each day. They may be delicious, but they’re not worth being unable to sleep for days at a time.

Gemini (May 21-June 21)

The saturation of the media with political propaganda and smear ads has been diminished by baseball. Even Yankee and Red Sox fans can agree that this is a good thing.

Cancer (June 22-July 22)

While it may seem like a good idea to ride your skateboard down the hallway, it isn’t. And when you crack your head open, your friends will laugh at you – a lot, for a long time.

Leo (July 23-Aug. 22)

All those careful calculations about whether going to class today is a better use of time than doing the work due later is a little premature. You should save your skips for later, when you really need it.

Virgo (Aug. 23-Sept. 22)

Remember that time you had a dream about having children with your girlfriend? That’s probably not something you want to tell her – especially via text.

Libra (Sept. 23-Oct. 22)

Warning: Cup of Noodles is hot once you’ve prepared it. Don’t fall asleep while holding it. You will burn your lap and stain your jeans. Not to mention you’ll still be hungry.