Aquarius (Jan. 20-Feb. 18)

When your life is in the pits, bury yourself in a hole and hopefully you’ll grow into a beautiful plant.

Aries (March 21-April 19)

Look out! There is someone behind you.

Taurus (April 20-May 20)

The stars actually can read your poker face. They suggest that you work on your bluffing skills.

Gemini (May 21-June 21)

If someone suddenly becomes insitant on being your friend, beware. They may be using you for your lottery number.

Cancer (June 22-July 22)

Your love for Conor Oberst will not always get you a party invitation. The stars recommend you “Spend An Evening With Saddle Creek” instead.

Leo (July 23-Aug. 22)

Great job finding that vintage cardigan on E-Bay. Sure, it may have only cost $10, but make sure to clean it before you wear it. You just want to look like Grandpa, not smell like him.

Virgo (Aug. 23-Sept. 22)

Although they haven’t been washed in a week, wear your lucky socks during the Duke game. Jay Wright will thank you later.

Libra (Sept. 23-Oct. 22)

While you’re bursting with excitment over the pending NovaFest performer announcement, don’t forget to finish that 10-page paper. You can’t go to NovaFest if you flunk out of school.

Scorpio (Oct. 23-Nov. 21)

Got some extra points to spend? The stars recommend buying a pre-viewed movie at Reel Divine. Hurry, or all the copies of “Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen” will be sold out!

Sagittarius (Nov. 22-Dec. 21)

The stars predict one of the a capella groups will perform your favorite song. at Acappellapalooza. Don’t miss it!

Capricorn (Dec. 22-Jan. 19)

It may officially be spring, but don’t break out the flip flops just yet. Sure, the flowers may be blooming, but the 40-degree temperatures aren’t ideal for your toes.

Pisces (Feb. 19-March 20)

If you find yourself in the wrong lane at a toll plaza, just keep driving. Hopping out to get your ticket is more trouble than it’s worth.