Aries (March 21-April 19)

It is written in the 10 Commandments that you should not worship false idols. This includes Villanova-themed garden gnomes that you may have slowly developed an unhealthy obsession with.

Taurus (April 20-May 20)

You may find yourself inspired this weekend to scale the gutters of a West Campus apartment. The stars strongly discourage this.

Gemini (May 21-June 21)

The stars see through your vain attempts to pretend that you haven’t become addicted to remixes of Taylor Swift songs. Be honest with yourself. It’s a love story. Baby, just say yes.

Cancer (June 22-July 22)

Pressed for car space on a late night food run? The stars offer the humble legal advice that Radnor police will not accept any reason for storing someone in the trunk, no matter how good the stereo is back there.

Leo (July 23-Aug. 22)

As the final weeks of school approach, begin planning a road trip to surprise one of your friends. First, make sure that they are not out of school already.

Virgo (Aug. 23-Sept. 22)

Feeling stressed from an overload of major assignments? Take a midnight stroll around campus. Perhaps you will find solace in conversation with another directionless wanderer.

Libra (Sept. 23-Oct. 22)

The stars suggest that your troubles about getting someone to notice you can be relieved with a seranade. Works everytime.

Scorpio (Oct. 23-Nov. 21)

The stars advise you to look carefully into purchasing a futon for next semester.

Sagittarius (Nov. 22-Dec. 21)

Is community service cutting into your sleeping habits? The stars suggest taking a step back to examine what is truly important.

Capricorn (Dec. 22-Jan. 19)

The stars remind you to apply sunscreen evenly in the coming weeks so that you don’t resemble a spotted animal.

Aquarius (Jan. 20-Feb. 18)

Want a change in your life? Look to celebrites, such as Neil Patrick Harris, for advice.

Pisces (Feb. 19-March 20)

No matter how distracted you are by a paper, you must never let your friends play with your power drill. The consequences will be catastrophic.