Horoscopes

Taurus (April 20-May 20)

Falvey Library is a small place. Avoid the frustration of not having a place to work during finals week by getting up early and grabbing a table. Or just mooch off your more dedicated friends.

Gemini (May 21-June 21)

The greatest challenge you will face this week is not finals, it is the temptation to go see “X-Men Origins: Wolverine” when you should be studying for your Saturday exams. Avoid this by just watching the pirated version, but beware the vengeance of Hugh Jackman.

Cancer (June 22-July 22)

Work on your tan while being productive by relocating your studying to any of Villanova’s many fields and grottos. Better to burn now than later.

Leo (July 23-Aug. 22)

When you find yourself plagued by a deadly case of the hiccups, the stars suggest yelling and throwing your backpack in frustration. Even if it isn’t effective, at least you will thoroughly entertain everyone around you.

Virgo (Aug. 23-Sept. 22)

There is nothing you can’t do in 24 hours. Remember this as you consider saving time by skipping meals. The brain needs Bartley Exchange cheesecake to function.

Libra (Sept. 23-Oct. 22)

Avoid the temptation to wear a Grim Reaper costume to your Physics final. The stairs in Mendel lecture halls are treacherous, and it would be unfortunately ironic if you were to perish while wearing the visage of Death itself.

Scorpio (Oct. 23-Nov. 21)

The stars urge you to work on your beach body by hitting the gym this week. No one wants to see that cottage cheese on the beach this summer.

Sagittarius (Nov. 22-Dec. 21)

Moving out is a famously painful and deceptive experience. The stars urge you to make sure you have enough room in your car for all your stuff. Dorm room garage sales are rarely successful.

Capricorn (Dec. 22-Jan. 19)

Clean up the aftermath of your epic water balloon fight as soon as you can. Latex and animal stomachs don’t mix, and before you know it, the decaying corpses of Villanova’s friendly critters will be littering the Quad.

Aquarius (Jan. 20-Feb. 18)

The principle of “the bigger, the better” does not apply to sunglasses. Just ask those massive pale spots your eyes. The Panda look is not in this year.

Pisces (Feb. 19-March 20)

Seniors, are you looking for a way to celebrate your post-finals joy? Remember to go to your celebratory free buffet at Tip O’Leary’s on May 8th.

Aries (March 21-April 19)

Your ‘NovaFest weekend was a great success, except for the part where you forgot you still had two weeks of school left. The stars suggest stocking up on Monster for the many all-nighters ahead of you.