The Signs as Office Quotes: Your Weekly Horoscope


The Signs as Office Quotes

Elena Rouse, Co-Culture Editor

Who doesn’t need a little more Dunder Mifflin in their lives?


This week, we are taking everyone’s favorite sitcom The Office and using some all time lines for your predictions.


Aries: “It’s true. Around this office in the past, I have been a little abrupt with people. But the doctor said, if I can’t find a new way to relate more positively to my surroundings, I’m going to die.” — Stanley Hudson This week is all about making the most of what you’ve got. What you have is the ability to channel your emotions into something positive. Maybe you aren’t usually as pessimistic as Stanley, but you could definitely use some more optimism. If you go into the day with positive thinking, you will find there is something to be happy about.


Taurus:“Guess what, I have flaws. What are they? Oh, I don’t know. I sing in the shower. Sometimes I spend too much time volunteering. Occasionally I’ll hit somebody with my car. So sue me.” — Michael ScottEverybody makes mistakes. Maybe you haven’t run anyone over, but you haven’t been giving yourself any credit because you’ve been focused on your shortcomings. Everyone makes mistakes, and you are not immune, but you are also slowly accomplishing your goals. Life is messy and full of mistakes but just keep pushing forward and you will achieve what you desire.


Gemini: “I just want to lie on the beach and eat hot dogs. That’s all I’ve ever wanted.” — Kevin Malone This is a stressful week for you. Kevin’s need for hot dogs is like your need for a little breather. Workloads and relationships are reaching a boiling point, but fear not. Soon enough you’ll be able to relax just like Kevin (hotdogs optional) but until then just keep working hard and know it won’t last forever.


Cancer: “And I feel God in this Chili’s tonight.” — Pam Beesley Sometimes good things present themselves in the most unlikely packages. For you, one of those great things is coming. Stay open to new opportunities and people. Pam wasn’t expecting to win an award in a Chili’s, and you, too, will find some unexpected success or happiness.


 Leo:“And I knew exactly what to do. But in a much more real sense, I had no idea what to do.” — Michael Scott Michael Scott is summing up life with this one.Right now you are feeling a bit lost. There are so many avenues you could take for your next step, but things aren’t clear yet. You might feel like everyone else knows what they’re doing, but the truth is that everyone is just trying to figure things out too. Make sure to focus on what motivates you and whatever comes next will become clear.


Virgo: “I miss Dwight. Congratulations, universe. You win.” -Jim Halpert Even though Jim claims otherwise a lot of the time, when it comes down to it he still needs Dwight in his life. Your heart is similarly aching for that certain comfort that comes from someone who really understands you. This week, take time to reconnect with the important relationships in your life. When you feel most yourself, you will be able to be your best self when trying to make new ones.


Libra: “I never thought I’d say this, but I think I ate too much bone marrow.” — Dwight SchruteThere is a time to realize that biting off more than you can chew will only result in hardships.You can’t do it all, so don’t stress when you are presented with opportunities this week that you can’t take. Make sure to take a breath this week and don’t get too caught up in trying to do everything. Instead, focus on the necessary things and do them well.

Scorpio:“I wanna do a cartwheel. But real casual-like. Not enough to make a big deal out of it, but I know everyone saw it. One stunning, gorgeous cartwheel.” — Creed Bratton You have been aching to make a move with a certain someone. You don’t want to come on too strong, but you are afraid that being too casual won’t get your message across. Needless to say, if the way a certain someone makes you feel ignites the desire to do a “gorgeous cartwheel,” you should tell them.


Sagittarius: “An office is for not dying. An office is a place to live life to the fullest, to the max, to… An office is a place where dreams come true.” — Michael Scott Like Michael, all you want is to make those around you happy and feel loved. However, you’ve been having trouble reading people lately and feel like you don’t understand how you can do so. Time to trust your intuition. Reach out to those you care about and check in even if you’re unsure. Someone you know might need your comfort.


Capricorn:“Me think, why waste time say lot word, when few word do trick.” — Kevin Malone  Don’t waste time on those who don’t appreciate you. Feeling a little underappreciated or out of the loop? Extend your branches to new acquaintances. Kevin doesn’t waste time with grammar and you shouldn’t waste time on the things that hurt you. If you focus on the good and where you feel your best, you will find some new connections that will delight and relieve you.


Aquarius:“I am Beyonce, always.” — Michael Scott You will come into full Beyonce energy this week. This is your time. Embrace every second of the palace you are in right now, because it is once in a lifetime. Look at the people you are surrounded by and the place you’re in. The gift you have won’t last forever, so now is the time to make every second count.


Pisces: “I have a lot of questions. Number one, how dare you?” -Kelly Kapoor Like Kelly, you are upset at some things that have been happening in your life. You can’t understand why. It’s natural to feel angry at the things that are out of your control. Before you react purely emotions, reflect and try to see things from all sides. If you do that, this situation will work itself out and you will come out of it with more understanding.