The following content is purely satirical and entirely fictional. Don’t believe everything you read!

In case you live under a rock, or you don’t listen to the New Heights Podcast with Jason and Travis Kelce every week, I am here to let you know that Super Bowl LVIII (58, for those of you who cannot read Roman Numerals) is happening on Sunday, Feb. 11. If you still have no idea what I’m talking about, the Super Bowl is the National Football League championship game that happens every year. The winner of the American Football Conference plays the winner of the National Football Conference. If that is not ringing any bells, you might know it as the night of funny commercials and an iconic concert. This year is particularly special because there’s a game, an Usher concert and Taylor Swift will likely be making an appearance.
This year’s Super Bowl is going to be played in Las Vegas. Every year the game is held in a different stadium, determined years in advance. I have no idea the exact reason for this, and honestly, I don’t care to look into it.

As I said, the Super Bowl is played by the AFC and NFC champions. This year, those two teams are the Kansas City Chiefs (yay) and the San Francisco 49ers (boo). Patrick Mahomes vs. Nick Bosa. Travis Kelce vs. Brock Purdy. Taylor Swift vs. that one 49ers wife who made a really nice jacket that Taylor Swift wore to a Chiefs game once.

So, who are we rooting for? I guess that depends on who you ask. I know who I am rooting for, but in the spirit of being impartial, I will give you the information on both teams and let you decide.

If you don’t know anything about football, you probably still know something about Travis Kelce. Not that Taylor Swift put his name on the map or anything, but we can admit that there are definitely a lot of people who did not know who he was until their relationship. I, personally, love the guy, but even I can admit that her presence makes the Chiefs a good team for the general public (and those who know next to nothing about the actual sport) to root for.

However, if you actually care about the game itself, then you might care to know that this will be the fourth time in five years that the Chiefs will be in the Super Bowl. The only year it missed was in 2022, when Joe Burrow stole the show, but unfortunately lost to a team I barely remember. Of the Chiefs’ most recent three championships, it won two. It lost in 2021 to Tom Brady, of all people. In 2020, it played the 49ers and won. Wait, that matchup sounds familiar…once a loser, always a loser, I say.

If you care about who to root for based on geographical location, that is a very difficult topic. Last year, the Chiefs beat our Philadelphia Eagles, so there is some bad blood on that front. However, our own beloved Jason Kelce is rooting for the Chiefs because of his obvious connection to the team: Andy Reid, the head coach, who used to be his head coach. No other reason. Also, and most importantly to me, Taylor Swift is from the Philly area, and she’s rooting for the Chiefs. That’s really enough of a reason for me, and it should be for you.

I’m going to be very honest with you. I do not know much about these 49ers guys, and that is entirely going to sway my opinion of them. I do know that Kyle Juszczyk (don’t ask me how to say that) does something on the team, but more importantly, his wife Kristin, makes really cool merch for the other WAGs (wives and girlfriends) in the league. So, that earns some points from me.

From what I understand, a lot of people really don’t like the quarterback, Brock Purdy. I’ve gathered this by listening to WIP, Philly’s sports talk radio, so again, I’m biased. According to a quick Wikipedia search, Purdy was the last person picked in the 2022 draft, which made him Mr. Irrelevant. To me, that’s pretty hilarious, and a great reason not to root for him. However, if you’re in the mindset of always voting for the underdog (the underdog in this case being someone who is clearly bullied), then I guess they’re your choice.

Root for whoever you want. I don’t care. Who is actually going to win? Well, I am a Swiftie, meaning I believe in Karma, so I would never, ever put who I want to win in writing. I would never jinx my third favorite NFL team like that.