Voth: Stupidity, the next tobacco

Adam Oliphant

You know what I’m tired of? Stupid people, people who don’t take responsibility for their own actions, people who try and push off everything that has gone wrong for them onto someone else. Let’s start with an example, such as the brilliant New Yorker who sued the fast food industry for making him fat. I would like to find this man and slap the French fries right out of his fat mouth. Come on, obviously the food did more than make him fat, it must have clogged his brain and rendered him incapable of any rational thought. How can anyone possibly not know that McDonalds, Wendy’s and the like aren’t healthy, and you run the risk of becoming overweight if you eat them, as he says he did several times a week. I mean, you walk into a McDonalds and just sniff the air, and you gain five pounds. It’s ridiculous, and thankfully it was dismissed, but both the lawyer and the plaintiff should be dropped in the fryer themselves.

This reminds me of the infamous McDonalds coffee suit, which I never miss an opportunity to vent about. Let’s think about this, folks, coffee is supposed to be hot; as far as I know, it’s always served hot, most times really hot. Have you ever had Dunkin’ Donuts coffee? If it’s not hot, it’s either iced coffee or just bad coffee. The woman, I believe, spilled the coffee while driving with it between her legs. A judge actually awarded the woman close to $500,000; the only thing I ever get when I spill stuff is a stain and maybe laughed at.

This sort of insanity has to be stopped, I don’t understand how it continues, for more reason than one. First off, how can the society we live in allow this sort of stupidity, secondly, how can nature allow it. How people like this have not starved to death because they can’t figure out how to open a can without cutting themselves and bleeding to death is beyond me. Oh, wait, that’s right, they just go to McDonalds; how else would they have an income?

Stupidity isn’t always this blatant, and can often be excused with the magic “I” word, ignorance. This, as they say, is no excuse. Another example has recently come to my attention. Ever heard of the Nigerian Letter Scam? It’s really quite clever (insert sarcasm). Unsolicited, you receive a letter from “the government of Nigeria,” and, even better, it wants to give YOU money. Somehow, through the mismanagement of funds and contracts, some extra money has been found but for reasons unknown, must be placed in an extraneous account for a period of time and your bank account would be perfect. You even get to keep a certain percentage for absolutely doing nothing. Now if the fact that a) no one ever gives away money for nothing doesn’t jump right out and set of your alarms, the fact that, b) one of the poorest countries in Africa not only has extra money, but wants you to have some does not, something is wrong with you. Surprise, surprise, it’s all a scam, after giving the so-called government officials your bank account numbers, they systematically clean you out … go figure.

Now I feel bad for victims of this scam, and then I don’t … it’s just so obvious that it’s a scam, it’s nearly unforgivable.

Newsweek’s cover recently had the headline “Is fat the next tobacco” or something to that nature. I think stupidity is the next tobacco. Let’s stop these people before they have a chance to do any more damage. We need the same investigations, inquiries and most importantly, task forces to stop this disease before it has a chance to spread.

There should be a federally funded task force, trained extensively and set out among the general public to maintain some semblance of intelligence, which is disappearing faster each year. These elite enforcers would operate the similar to police, but rather than guns would have Nerf bats, and whenever they encountered stupidity would beat the sense back into these bafoons.

There’s been a lot of places that could use a good Nerf beating: the Florida voting booths (how hard is it to push a paper cut out through the hole it was cut out off?), any place Al Sharpton is, the Oval Office, and pretty much every NRA meeting there has ever been.