Bush planning to name Saddam Hussein president of Iraq

Sources inside the White House revealed this evening that President Bush has decided to install Saddam Hussein as president of Iraq. Due to the unraveling situation on the ground, and with no other viable options, Bush has decided Saddam represents the only chance to salvage the June 30 date to hand power over to the Iraqis. This follows a decision last week to appoint two former top generals under Saddam Hussein, Gen. Amer Hashimi and Lt. Gen. Daham Assal, as the country’s top two military commanders.

For the last several weeks U.S. officials in Iraq have been conducting secret negotiations with Saddam, which have intensified over the last few days. Saddam is seen as the best hope to provide immediate safety and security to the Iraqi people and to protect coalition forces.

Upon reflection Bush has apparently concluded that Saddam actually was in compliance with U.N. resolutions. “We now know he had destroyed his weapons of mass destruction, that Iraq did not have a nuclear weapons program, nor did they have an active program to develop illegal weapons,” sources inside the administration said. It was also noted that Saddam had let the U.N. weapons inspectors back in prior to the war, and had given them full and open access.

Bush was described as saying he has learnt much about the culture of Iraq from reading Saddam’s novels and decided he wasn’t such a bad guy. In fact, “we have much in common,” Bush was quoted as saying. We both made mistakes. Saddam was wrong to invade Kuwait without provocation, and I was wrong to invade Iraq.

“I forgive him for trying to kill my father and he has forgiven me for trying to kill him. Likewise I hope all Americans and Iraqis will forgive us both,” Bush also said.

These same White House sources said it was premature to suggest that a statue of President Bush and Saddam Hussein shaking hands in friendship was planned for Baghdad’s Firdos Square, where a year ago triumphant coalition forces toppled a statue of Saddam. One source did suggest that if this works, if we can bring the various factions together in Iraq and create peace – it’s not out of the question that someday George W. Bush and Saddam Hussein could share the Nobel Peace Prize.