Aries (March 21-April 19)Your tactful skills in avoiding not one, but two bar fights on St. Patrick’s Day will get you far in life. Godspeed, my friend.

Taurus (April 20-May 20)Start a letter campaign to Mother Nature telling her to make a decision on the season and stick with it. Everyone will appreciate it, and you will be almost as cool as Jay Wright.

Gemini (May 21-June 21)Senioritis is kicking in, and the graduation countdown continues. Even though you’re still an underclassman, it’s never too early to begin graduation festivities, right?

Cancer (June 22-July 22)When you wake up, don’t be alarmed at your jaundiced forehead. It’s not really your liver; your friends just colored your face with yellow highlighter while you slept.

Leo (July 23-Aug. 22)If you want to impress your date, don’t wear that new “Little House on the Prairie”-style dress. Your crazy ensemble will raise eyebrows … but not in a good way.

Virgo (Aug. 23-Sept. 22)Sure, you’re upset over Villanova’s loss, but it’s time to remove the blue and white body paint. You can’t be in denial forever, and your skin is getting kind of gross.

Libra (Sept. 23-Oct. 22)As much as you are sick of campus food, your other options are not eating or go broke paying for off-campus delivery. Yep, time to stock up on Ramen.

Scorpio (Oct. 23-Nov. 21)Plastic shovels don’t chop through ice. Remember that for the next time your car gets frozen to the ground after a freak storm.

Sagittarius (Nov. 22-Dec. 21)What happens in Vegas only stays in Vegas if you don’t talk about it. There is no built-in filter that prevents you from blabbing.

Capricorn (Dec. 22-Jan. 19)There is a chicken tattooed on your thigh. Way to think that one through. It’s okay, though. You could just wear pants for the rest of your life.

Aquarius (Jan. 20-Feb. 18) Okay, everyone loves “Boondock Saints,” but St. Patrick’s Day is over. Watch the movie too often and it loses its appeal. Oh wait, that already happened.

Pisces (Feb. 19-March 20)If people try to convince you that they’re seeing invisible trains, walk away. It’s really not worth arguing with them.