Virgo (Aug. 23-Sept. 22) Parents’ Weekend is upon us, so use it to spend quality time with your folks … and squeeze in as many free meals as possible and a shopping spree in King of Prussia.

Libra (Sept. 23-Oct. 22) You will finally come up with that brilliant idea for that multi-million dollar business … only to find out it’s already taken. Apparently, you’re out of the loop and have never heard of Amazon.com.

Scorpio (Oct. 23-Nov. 21) You’re starting to realize that taking two extra courses was not the best decision. You know it’s bad when you hang out with the librarians more than your roommates.

Sagittarius (Nov. 22-Dec. 21) You will get flustered when talking with that cute girl who wants to join your organization. Be careful to make sure you say “makeup interview” and not “make-out interview.”

Capricorn (Dec. 22-Jan. 19) You will bake a cake, cookies and a massive amount of brownies … and then come share them with your favorite astrologist. You know you want to.

Aquarius (Jan. 20-Feb. 18) Congratulations! You are officially ready to complete the trifecta of late-night dinner dialing this weekend after putting the phone numbers for Campus Corner, Wingers and Domino’s on your speed dial.

Pisces (Feb. 19-March 20) Still haven’t come up with the title for that memoir? Here’s another suggestion: “Don’t Make Promises at Happy Hour.”

Aries (March 21-April 19) It’s obvious that your on-and-off relationship is important to you, but it isn’t to your friends. Don’t call them at 3 a.m. to tell them you’re off and then at 3:15 a.m. to tell them you’re on.

Taurus (April 20-May 20) Be careful where you wear that American flag toga. Kudos on the creativity, but families visiting for Parents’ Weekend will most likely find it disrespectful.

Gemini (May 21-June 21) Telling a woman she belongs in the kitchen is a horrible thing to say … especially in your women’s studies course.

Cancer (Jun 22-July 22) Your friend will overhear you talking smack behind his back and proceed to chase you all over campus. You’ll escape his wrath by hiding in the towers of Corr Hall … and then you’ll wake up and realize it was just a horrible dream.

Leo (July 23-Aug. 22) In a surprising and unprecedented turn of events, you will take it easy this weekend and go to bed early. Well, early for you means 3 a.m. instead of 6 a.m., but still, it’s a big change.