Aquarius (Jan. 20-Feb. 18)

When your friends take you out for your 21st birthday, remember that just because someone bought you the drink doesn’t mean it’s a good idea to drink it.

Pisces (Feb. 19-March 20)

You may live and die based on the success of the Giants, but that doesn’t make Eli Manning your brother, or even a distant cousin.

Aries (March 21-April 19)

Recovering from the Super Bowl should be your No. 1 priority. Those bags of chips and piles of wings were probably supposed to be more than a single serving.

Taurus (April 20-May 20)

Your life would make an excellent sitcom. Send in the transcript of your last week so they can make a pilot. The stars foresee Emmy nominations.

Gemini (May 21-June 21)

Let the Giants inspire you. Beat that undefeated intramural basketball team this week. You may want to skip the T-shirts and hats emblazoned with the word “Champions.”

Cancer (Jun 22-July 22)

When turning classic songs into rounds, it’s generally best to practice a few times before belting them out in the middle of the quad.

Leo (July 23-Aug. 22)

Congratulations on your ambition; however, giving up homework for Lent is probably not the smartest idea.

Virgo (Aug. 23-Sept. 22)

Inspiration is hiding from you. Look under the pile of books you finally bought from the bookstore but haven’t quite gotten around to reading yet. Don’t worry, you’re only 15 chapters behind.

Libra (Sept. 23-Oct. 22)

Despite warm, sunny weather this week, it is not spring break yet. Getting to the airport now is a little early for your flight that leaves in a month.

Scorpio (Oct. 23-Nov. 21)

It’s time. You have waited long enough. You have trained well – practicing proper technique, speed and dialect. Today is the day you order an omelet from Kathy.

Sagittarius (Nov. 22-Dec. 21)

Finding Super Bowl commercials online is a great procrastination method. Just remember that there are more important things to do sometimes – like checking Facebook.

Capricorn (Dec. 22-Jan. 19)

Swamped with the stresses of school? Regress to a time when you had no homework – age three. Spend a day watching “Barney and Friends” and “Teletubbies,” and everything in life will seem easier.