Satire: Hell Week is Worth Savoring


Graydon Paul/Villanovan Photography

Why consider a night at Kelly’s this week when you could be enjoying stress and studies?

Carter Smith, Staff Writer

The end of the 2022-23 academic year at Villanova is quickly approaching. With our seemingly expedient entry into May, it is nearly time for students to take final exams, say goodbye to friends and pack up dorms.

While the promise of completing classes and heading home for a summer filled with friends, relaxation and possible work is tantalizing to most students, another aspect of the end of the year goes extremely underappreciated. 

The period known as Hell Week, the week before finals begin, when everybody seems to have at least one final project or paper due in every class, is truly the highlight of the year for me.

There is truly no better feeling than striding into a crowded Falvey Library the week before finals. The scents of coffee and energy drinks waft through the air. My ears drink in a cacophony of sound: a combination of fingers clicking on keyboards, pencils scribbling on paper and classmates debating the answers to review questions.

The stress in the air is palpable. It would take a reasonably buff lumberjack at the top of his game with the highest powered chainsaw on the marker to cut through all of the tension.

And I live for it. 

Despite seemingly being in the minority of Villanova students who dread the arrival of Hell Week every year, I welcome it. Crave it, even. It gives me life. 

The level of satisfaction I get from scheduling out my daily activities down to the half-hour is unbeatable. It is all about making sure I can complete my Mount Everest-sized pile of assignments, while still making it to class for those incredibly important finals review sessions. 

Even during Hell Week, the “work hard, play hard” mentality still applies. Seeing as many of Villanova’s student organizations decide to have formals that week, going to those and spending time with friends before the summer must be factored into the Hell Week schedule, as well.

Being pressed up against the wall on every single paper or assignment because there is one due each day of the week sends such a volume of adrenaline coursing through my veins that my heart pounds in my chest nearly 24/7. Sleep is overrated compared to constant stress-induced anxiety. 

So, what about sleep? Please, sleep is for the weak. There will be time to sleep in May. While “healthcare professionals” and “productive members of society” might recommend that you get seven to eight hours of sleep a night, don’t bother listening to them. What do they know about the lives of college students? 

There is nothing better to do during the generally warm, sunny days of late-April and early-May than to have your butt parked in a classroom or the library reviewing for finals or finishing assignments.

What would you all rather be doing with some of your final evenings on campus, participating in some extracurricular activities with your friends, or being glued to your laptop finishing papers? 

Your comrades may call you fake for ditching their superficial activities to get your study on, but who will be laughing after finals when you make the Dean’s List and they are struggling to explain to their parents why they have 2.7 GPAs.

If one were to ask most Villanova students what their favorite parts of the year are, the most popular answer would be something like a club formal or Special Olympics—events that involve having a good time with friends. 

Unfortunately, those people are wrong. If one or more of your friends would answer similarly, I would recommend distancing yourself from them immediately.

The complicated, chaotic and multifaceted nature of Hell Week is an experience like no other, and it is one to be savored.