Mordini: If you’ve got the dollars, pop the collars

Jessie Markovetz

TODAY’S TOPIC IS: Guys’ Clothes That Cost More Than Your Electric Bill.

The fact that Villanovans rank among the most fashion-conscious types in the country is neither new nor news to anyone, not even the tour groups who pass through campus.

What has changed, however, is that girls are no longer the only ones parading around in outfits more expensive than my car. All of a sudden, it’s become popular for men to empty their savings accounts on new sets of clothes. This is the result of a new trend sweeping the nation called the Macarena.

No, seriously, it’s the metrosexual craze, and to join in all you have to do is be a guy who likes tight fitting, extremely expensive clothing (preferably with collars, so they can be turned up for some mysterious reason) and the color pink.

Or, as a friend of mine recently put it, “be much more in touch with your feminine side,” in a tone of voice implying that this was not the least bit acceptable in a civilized nation.

Now we guys are faced with the problem not only of having to worry that are clothes aren’t pink or expensive enough, but also that the letters in the word “metrosexual” can be rearranged to spell, “latex us more.” And in case you are an oblivious prospective student on a tour or just never crawl out of your dorm, the situation has swept Villanova in a big way.

This came to be apparent to me a couple of weeks ago while I was reading The Villanovan, when I noticed the “Style File” department in the entertainment section. This time, it was pushing slim fit jeans and blazers.

Fine, you normal guys are thinking. Blazers and jeans. All is right with the world.

Except that when you think blazers and jeans, you picture two items you would never wear together and both costing the bare minimum. This is because you were wisely taught at an early age that jeans should cost no more than $20, maximum.

But when the people at “Style File” say blazers and jeans, they mean metrosexual blazers and jeans. According to the articles, the featured jeans, called Tight Diesel (I’ll leave that one to you, dear readers), will “cost you a few bucks more than usual, but not too much more … anywhere from $75 to $175.”

Go back and read that last sentence again.

I am fairly certain (read: absolutely positive) that if you took all the clothing in my wardrobe and added its value together, it would come nowhere near $175. If I ever own something that expensive, it will be a good suit, probably the one I’ll be buried in someday. Yet apparently, there are men in this world (maybe even on this campus) who have paid $175 for a piece of denim shaped in the form of legs and held together by stitches and rivets. I guarantee you that if you hold these jeans up to a pair of $10 Lees from off the rack at Wal-Mart, you will not be able to tell the difference.

Actually, according to my girlfriend, who the column consulted for some input, there is a major difference in these jeans: Tight Diesel jeans are held together by platinum rivets.

No, seriously, the difference she pointed out was that these jeans sport a label reading “Tight Diesel.” Apparently, the consumers sniffed so much glue in the fourth grade that they feel paying piles of money for a label that acts as free advertising for this company is an excellent concept.

As for the blazer, no price was quoted in the article, so I tried an online search at Abercrombie, always the gold standard for clothing at Villanova, and came up with a number so high my sense of journalism ethics obliges me not to print it, as you will probably napalm their headquarters in outrage as a result.

I’d like to pretend that this level of dollar-driven fashion insanity hasn’t swept Villanova, but this is a realistic column, so that’s out of the question. Instead, I’d like to see some of our own who are official regulars at Abercrombie to stop fretting about fitting in and find ways to use the money more effectively. There are plenty of organizations designed to take your money and put it toward a better life for less fortunate people.

And if you’re into donating clothes, I’m sure they won’t mind your metro flair, even if it is pink. Just don’t expect them to turn the collar up.