Scorpio (Oct. 24 – Nov. 22) 

Homecoming weekend really did a number on you, Scorpio. You are tired, nauseous and still suffering from a mean headache five days later. A Halloweekend spent on the couch may be just what the doctor ordered. 

 

Sagittarius (Nov. 23 – Dec. 21)

Sagittarius, you should know by now that Cafe Nova is always packed during the lunch rush. That does not mean you can take your aggression out by throwing your pizza across the room. Good luck finding somewhere else on campus to get that BBQ chicken pizza. 

 

Capricorn (Dec. 22 – Jan. 20)

In an effort to prepare for the events taking place this weekend, you and your roommates did an extra special job of cleaning your apartment. Well, I see a sea of red solo cups and sticky floors in your future, so that was one big waste of time.

 

Aquarius (Jan. 21 – Feb. 19)

 

Aquarius, your dedication to school this semester is staggering. No skipped classes, no below B grades, you’re truly rocking this semester’s socks. Take a moment to enjoy your success thus far by splurging in the school store. 

 

Pisces (Feb. 20 – March 20) 

Today is just not your day, Pisces. You woke up and burnt the roof of your mouth on hot toast. Then, you lost your Wildcard on the way back to West. Maybe getting into bed and staying inside the rest of the week will renew your luck and bring forth only good times for the weekend. 

 

Aries (March 21 – April 20)

 

The slam poetry event this past Monday has left you feeling inspired, Aries. You finally feel confident enough to give that special someone the poem you wrote for them months ago. Don’t hesitate now, you are about to get cuffed.

 

Taurus (April 21 – May 21)

Taurus, last week may have been terrible, but this week is definitely looking up. The professor you thought hated your guts recently smiled at you during class, and you managed to go the whole day without staining your white shirt. Good looking out Taurus, the worst is over.

 

Gemini (May 22 – June 22)

Unfortunately for you, Gemini, work has ruined your plans for the scariest weekend of the year. Instead of going out with friends, you’ll be cuddled up to your laptop, getting to know that eight page paper you still haven’t started. Hopefully, if you finish by Sunday, you can enjoy a good old pumpkin carving session with the roomies. 

 

 Cancer (June 23 – July 23)

 

Intramural basketball is dominating your life, Cancer. You can’t eat, sleep or live without picturing the many ways to improve upon your teams defense. Snap out of it though, before you accidentally dunk some innocent bystander in the face with your can meant for the recycling bin. 

 

Leo (July 24 – Aug. 23)

Leo, it’s time to admit that you have an addiction. Tinder is taking over your life in the worst possible way. Once you realize that swiping right is not an actual start to a relationship, maybe you’ll be able to join the rest of us in reality and actually strike up a conversation with a living, breathing human being.

 

Virgo (Aug. 24 – Sept. 23)

 

It seems that everything in your life is falling into place—grades, friends, a love interest, you can’t be stopped. Things are not too good to be true Virgo. Trust your heart and everything will turn out the way it’s supposed to in the end.

 

Libra (Sept. 24 – Oct. 23)

Now that your two ex-boyfriends have joined forces to unite against you, it seems that every guy you have ever talked to is resurfacing in your life. Turn off the cell phone for a few nights and release yourself from the constant gossip between friends; it’ll do the trick.