The point system for rankings was based upon looks, appeal of name and, of course, the fact that we are indeed the Villanova Wildcats. 

1) Villanova Wildcats: Will D. Cat 

Classy. Simple. He’s our hero, and one hell of a dancer (he also personally gave Brooke a fist bump). 

2) Maryland Terrapins: Testudo the Terrapin 

Testudo might be my first son’s name after this. 10/10. 

3) South Carolina Gamecocks: Cocky 

What a name. If it weren’t for the narcissism, this would be number one.

4) Ohio State Buckeyes: Brutus Buckeye

This flows off the tongue. It’s a rare thing, but we approve. 

5) Ole Miss Rebels: Tony the Landshark 

The name doesn’t flow quite right, but we are reasonable people. The originality of the landshark does mean +5 points.

6) Notre Dame Fighting Irish: The Leprechaun 

To have a whole mascot dedicated to one holiday is pretty cool, but that’s only one day out of the year. St. Patrick’s Day was so last week. 

7) UCLA Bruins: Joe the Bruin

It’s simple, and Joe’s pretty American if you ask us. Slightly bland, but we’re patriotic people and willing to look past it. 

8) Colorado Buffaloes: Ralphie the Buffalo

Ralphie was put in the middle of the pack simply out of fear. Google images of “Ralphie the Buffalo,” and you’ll understand why. 

9) Tennessee Volunteers: Smokey

Love the name, Smokey, but we still don’t know what a Volunteer is, unless it means that you’re being charitable. 

10) Iowa Hawkeye: Herky the Hawk 

Who doesn’t love a good alliteration? They missed a key chance to rhyme Herky with Beef Jerky, though, so points off for that. 

11) Louisville Cardinals: Louie the Cardinal

Brownie points for having the mascot fully relate to the school. But, sorry, Louie, your name just doesn’t flow right. 

12) Utah Utes: Swoop 

What does this even mean? Our minds went to Nike, but apparently we’re being told it’s a bird? If you receive clarification on why it’s named “Swoop,” please contact us: [email protected] 

13) Miami Hurricanes: Sebastian the Ibis 

Anytime you have to Google what the animal is, you should really question if that’s what you want your mascot to be… also, the Cavinder twins have more clout than you. Step it up, Sebastian. 

14) Virginia Tech Hokies: HokieBird

We don’t really understand the whole two words put together. Also, you know it’s an L mascot when you have to let people know what kind of animal it is.

15) LSU Tigers: Mike the Tiger 

This is painfully basic. 

16) UConn Huskies: Jonathan the Husky 

Just re-read that name back to yourself…does that sound like a mascot that you want repping your school? This is basketball, not Wall Street, Jonathan.