The following is an adaptation of the lyrics to “Everybody’s Free to Wear Sunscreen,” by Mary Schmich:

Ladies and gentlemen of the class of 2006 at Villanova University: Wear Abercrombie.

Freshmen, if I could offer you only one tip for the next four years, Abercrombie would be it. The long-term benefits of Abercrombie have been proven by Villanovans, whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own college experience. I will dispense this advice now.

Enjoy the potential and value of classes. Oh, never mind. You will not understand the potential and value of classes until they’ve faded. But, trust me, in 10 years, you’ll look back at your classes and recall in a way you can’t grasp now how much better schoolwork was than a job.

Don’t worry about GPAs. Or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to remember when and where meal plans work. The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your book-fried mind, the kind that blindside you at 2 a.m. when watching channel 52.

Do one thing every day that scares you.

Study.

Don’t be reckless withyour roommate’s possessions. Don’t put up with roommates who are reckless with yours.

Clean.

Don’t waste your time on IM. Sometimes you’re busy, sometimes you’re not. The day is long and, in the end, you could have exercised.

Remember key information from lectures. Forget the rest. If you succeed in doing this, tell me how.

Keep all your tests. Sell back as many books as possible come semester’s end.

Relax.

Don’t feel guilty if you don’t understand why the Oreo’s colors are reversed. Most Villanovans I know don’t know the answer. Some of the graduates I know still don’t.

Get plenty of sleep. Be kind to your body. You’ll miss the rest when finals approach.

Maybe you’ll live in the Quad, maybe you won’t. Maybe you’ll be on South, maybe you won’t. Maybe your lottery number will be one, maybe it will be 1,001. Whatever you get, don’t be too pleased or too angry. It’s all chance.

Enjoy your Wildcard. Use it every way you can. Don’t be afraid to call Campus Corner. It’s the greatest instrument you’ll ever own.

Have fun, even if you have nowhere to go but your dorm room.

Watch the movie channel, even if you caught it in the middle of a showing.

Do not cheat. It will only make you feel guilty.

Call your parents. You never know when you’ll need money. They’re your best link to the cash, but the people most likely to say, “Get a job.”

Work hard to learn the difference between the Pit and the Spit. As time goes on, the more you’ll need to master the lingo.

Study in the library once, but leave before it makes you hard. Study in the Connelly Center once, but leave before it makes you soft.

Read.

Accept certain inalienable truths: The candy counter will not always have your favorite candy. The fire alarm will be pulled. And when it does, you’ll contemplate staying in bed and getting your eight hours of sleep.

Respect authority.

Don’t expect anyone else to do your work. Maybe you’ll have a smart classmate. Maybe you’ll have a bright roommate. But you never know when either one might run out.

Don’t drink too much or by the time you’re 21 it will be old hat.

Be careful with Sunday night Pit dinners, but get excited about their holiday feasts. Selecting where to eat is a science. Experiment.

But trust me on the Abercrombie.