What to do when it comes to relationships and Facebook

Tina Lamsback

Dear Tina,I have been dating my girlfriend for about seven months now, and I am a little worried about something. In the beginning of the relationship we gave each other our Facebook passwords just so we could look at other people’s profiles that we were not friends with. No big deal; we are open about everything. However, three months later she changed her password. Does this mean she is doing something shady?Sincerely,Facebook Extraordinaire

Dear Facebook Extraordinaire,Always go with your first instinct- your first impression. The way that I look at it is, yes, it is about a sense of privacy. No one has the right to make anyone give out passwords or personal information when the other person doesn’t want to disclose it. The right to privacy is one of the most important rights a person can have. However, if one ever decides to give someone else their password for specific reasons, then that privacy is no more. Now in your situation, the password was given and thus the privacy barrier was broken. OK, so fine, we are all on the same playing field now. She knows yours, and you know hers. Great, fabulous. Now, I also want to go on record by saying that once a person gives out their password, they do obviously have the right to change it at any time. Although since they gave it to someone they supposedly trust, then why would they change it? Boggles my mind! Unless they had something to hide. I mean, let’s really think about this one. Pick it apart, if you will. One of the core ideas of a relationship is trust. By trusting someone, a person gives their whole self. Their ideas, fears, worries and life are in another person’s hands, no matter if this relationship is seven months or seven years. But there are different levels of trust. Trust comes in stages. Someone can start out with sharing feelings about how their day went and then work up to the “bigger stuff” as the years go on. Don’t get me wrong; not everything in life is perfect, and no one necessarily trusts everybody all the time. But, when it happens, you will know, and it is truly something special; that is when you finally offer your whole self, your “trusting self” to that other person. Now back to the point. This could go one of two ways. Way No. 1: In the beginning of the relationship, there clearly was trust when you both gave your password to each other. It didn’t matter to either person if the other had it; they simply had nothing to hide. Was there really trust? What raises this question is the fact that she went ahead and changed the password. Normally, this would be a trivial concept. Who would really think this was a problem? But, all I want to know is, does she have something to hide from you? If she initially gave her password to you (which by the way, I’m not really sure if that was smart for reasons like these) and didn’t care, then why is she changing it? I would be skeptical. Way No. 2: Hypothetically speaking, someone else could have seen her type it in or maybe she told someone else her password. You could be overreacting slightly. Either way, why don’t you just ask her? The best relationship is one that features communication. Ask her if there is a reason why she changed her password. And believe her when she tells you the reason. If you don’t believe her, then you don’t trust her. And if you don’t trust her, then you shouldn’t be in the relationship.XOXO,Tina