Super Bowl commercials have given America some of its greatest cultural touchstones. They can make or break a new product or corporation in under a minute.  Without them, our society’s most important companies, such as Anheuser-Busch, Taco Bell and GoDaddy.com, may have never gained the economic significance they currently have.  Imagine a world where you had never encountered farting Clydesdales or talking Chihuahuas. Scary, right? I think we can all agree that being allowed into the pantheon of Super Bowl advertisers is a privilege, one which should be primarily reserved for only the most intellectually stimulating and artistically moving marketing firms.  

Luckily, with CBS shielding our children’s eyes from such hot-button, controversial issues, we can focus on nonpartisan, middle-of-the-road issues, such as Focus on the Family’s Super Bowl commercial.  The spot features America’s third favorite virgin (coming in behind the two remaining unmarried Jonas Brothers), Tim Tebow, endorsing the nonprofit group’s staunch anti-abortion policies. 

Clearly, CBS’s advertising standards are deeply rooted in logic and reason.  In an era where millions of people’s lives are affected by terrorism, financial crises and Snooki, they know how to worry about the real issues.  I shudder to think of the day when my children’s moral foundation is compromised by real-life gay people.