♒ Aquarius (Jan. 21 – Feb. 19)

Happy birthday to you! You will win the lottery this week as well as admission to Area 51…enjoy!

 

♓ Pisces (Feb. 20 – March 20)

The countdown is beginning for your birthday. Have you made your list of things to do before you turn another year older? If you haven’t already, be sure to add painting yourself onto the mural under the bridge on Ithan and letting yourself be experimented on in the mysterious mezzanine of Tolentine to your list.  After that, you’re set.

 

♈ Aries (March 21 – April 20)

Looks like you haven’t been following your lactose free diet (tsk, tsk). You know dairy makes you bloat. Stay away from Freshens’ ice cream and Connelly Late Night grilled cheese and just get some chicken fingers and tortas (sans cheese) instead.

 

♉ Taurus (April 21 – May 21)

You know that person you always Facebook stalk? Turn around in your 10 a.m. class… he or she sits right behind you! Looks like you’ll have to use some of that ingenuity to find a decoy website to quickly click on if they see you scoping them out on cyberspace.

 

♊ Gemini (May 22 – June 22)

As you apply for your summer internship, you might want to think about putting your pictures on private. We both know why.

 

♋ Cancer (June 23 – July 23)   

Has your roommate been an ogre lately? Buy him or her a ticket to the Predators      v. Flyers game tonight so you can have a couple of hours to yourself.

 

♌ Leo (July 24 – Aug. 23)

There may have been an agreement among you and your eight best friends to sit together in Connelly every Friday for the busiest tour times so you can yell out your favorite Villanova facts, but this week won’t work out. Try sitting where the Oreo used to be. There’s lots of seating available there.

 

♍ Virgo (Aug. 24 – Sept. 23)

This week “Would You Rather” takes a turn for the worse. Would you rather eat horrible, dry sandwiches for a few days or wear khakis for the rest of the week because you spilled sauce on the last clean pair of jeans you own? Make your choices carefully this week because your decision may lead you to one of these outcomes…

 

♎ Libra (Sept. 24 – Oct. 23)

The rumors flying around that you’re afraid of the dark have been confirmed. Try turning out the lights this week to see if that’s still the case, and, since it probably is, keep your flashlight app up at all times.

 

♏ Scorpio (Oct. 24 – Nov. 22)

It’s like every door you push is a pull door, huh? It’s just not your week and, sadly, neither is the next. But keep your head up! Sounds like your week will be happening in March. Hopefully.

 

♐ Sagittarius (Nov. 23 – Dec. 21)

The stars know you love to leave your waiters and waitresses long notes on the receipts, and they enjoy it. Keep leaving friends’ numbers on them and those servers will keep up those awkward post-dinner messages.

 

♑ Capricorn (Dec. 22 – Jan. 20)

Trust your gut and book those spring break plane tickets to you-know-where. You-know-who happens to be going there as well.