The Villanova Astrologer

Claire Hoffman

Aries (March 21 – April 20)

Gird your loins for war, Aries. This is your time. Don’t be afraid of conflict. This week you will hear the lamentations of your enemies. 

Taurus (April 21 – May 21)

Sorry, Taurus. Admit it: your Easy-Mac was ruined years ago.

Gemini (May 22 – June 22)

And on the seventh day, Gemini created brunch, and it was good. But everyone swore it was great. 

Cancer (June 23 – July 23)

Cancer is going to read Karl Marx this week. Cancer is going to write a paper, watch a basketball game and wonder if Ryan Arcidiacono is alienated from his labor.

Leo (July 24 – Aug. 23)

Keep your head up, Leo. Somewhere out there, it’s 1985: partying like it’s 2016. 

Virgo (Aug. 24 – Sept. 23)

You’re very organized this week, Virgo. Don’t let all your careful planning go to waste, but don’t let the stress of having everything go perfectly ruin your enjoyment of the outcome!

Libra (Sept. 24 – Oct. 23)

Oh, Libra. This week you will discover a new hobby to love. Maybe it’s rollerblading, maybe it’s calligraphy. Embrace it: this is how you’re going to get through college.

Scorpio (Oct. 24 – Nov. 22) 

It’s okay for you to let loose this week, Scorpio. Only you.

Sagittarius (Nov. 23 – Dec. 21)

Dear Sagittarius: I can tell you’re feeling whimsical. This week, try to be a little less ‘Dave Matthews Band,’ and resist the urge to post any Snapchats you may regret later.

Capricorn (Dec. 22 – Jan. 20)

Write poetry this week, Capricorn. Celebrate spring and basketball. Then tweet about it.

Aquarius (Jan. 21 – Feb. 19)

Online shopping is not for you this week. Wait; much-coveted items may go on sale sometime soon. If not, DIY. Villanova has a 3-D printer for a reason!

Pisces (Feb. 20 – March 20)

Today you drink from the keg of glory, Pisces. Celebrate with the finest muffins and bagels in all the land.