This past Wednesday afternoon, in a particularly overwhelming combination of procrastination and boredom, I opened my voice memo application. Yes, that’s what two-tailed independent sample t-tests can drive a perfectly sane person to do. At my ripe age of 20 (21 this month), I have not yet reached most of life’s happiest, most gut-wrenching, proudest, scariest or even traumatizing moments. But luckily, I’ve always had a flair for the dramatics, romanticizing the tiniest moments and documenting, okay wallowing, in my big girl feelings whenever it seems fit. Where do I do it? On my iPhone, of course.
As a self-prescribed perfectionist, journaling has never worked well for me. I’d catch myself re-reading sentences, changing adjectives and using complex sentence structures when I was supposed to be focusing on emotional regulation. The persistent young woman that I am, this has resulted in stacks of abandoned leather-bound journals piled on shelves and jammed into desk drawers throughout my turbulent teenage years.
But the benefits of journaling are hard to ignore, especially for those of us with bad memories. Yes, even at 20. Journaling is linked to tons of mental and physical health benefits. Studies show it reduces stress by lowering cortisol levels and improving immune function. Psychologically, it helps us process emotions, boosts memory and comprehension and can lessen symptoms of anxiety and depression by creating a sense of control and self-awareness.
If you sympathize with my trials and tribulations journaling, I introduce you to a 21st-century solution. When the spirit moves you, find a quiet moment of reflection on the Voice Memo application. Say hey to future you, or whoever you think is listening and speak freely. I find it helpful to think of my entries as “check-ins” from me, to me. There are no rules for this part. Vent, preach, cry, spill a secret, scream, tell a knock-knock joke.
I have been memo-ing for almost a year now, and my entries range from two to four minutes every few months. Try to be selective with the moments and themes of each entry. Keep this outlet a sacred space for reflection. One tip: don’t re-record. Whatever you say, just keep talking no matter how many times you stutter or say “like.” When you’re done, shut off your phone and try not to play it back just yet. Shove the voice memo in your closet like that last sweater that doesn’t really fit but you couldn’t live without
The app displays a listing of entries named by the address where they were recorded, followed by the date and their duration. Find comfort in knowing you can listen to your past self in your highest and lowest moments. The app will quietly collect your chaos, clarity and everything in between, waiting patiently until you’re ready to listen.
Listening to an old voice memo is best compared to getting back a test that you have no idea whether you aced or failed. You’re holding it in your hand, it almost feels hot. A voice inside your head tells you to throw the paper in the recycling bin and never look back, but then, before you can stop yourself, you turn the paper over and meet your destiny.
It is healing to know that you can get through the low times and that there have been good times that will come again. If there’s anyone you can trust when you’re down, it’s yourself.
If you are a sentimental soul like me, it’s probably crossed your mind that at 80, with your holographic cat curled up beside you, these entries contain every version of yourself you’ve ever been. That’s the magic. To hear your 20-year-old self giggle, the concern in your voice at 30 and the calm at 50. Maybe you’ll cringe. Maybe you’ll smile. It doesn’t matter. I just think it would be cool.
