Maggie Fitzgerald
Sisters! Put your hands in the air.
Sorry, fellas, while we might be in the City of Brotherly Love, this one is for the sisters. Enough talk about dating and romance for crying out loud. Let’s be real, the odds of your spring fling making it to see the summer sunshine are painfully low. This week, it’s time to talk about something permanent. You grew up together, wanted to be each other, possibly wanted to kill each other and most definitely made each other who you are today. Sisters, after all, are forever.
While I don’t claim to be an expert on many things, I am particularly well-versed in the language of sisterhood. As the middle child in a family of three girls, my time on Earth has largely consisted of having a sister and of being a sister. This is practically my native tongue. In my world, nothing is certain but death, taxes and sisters. Whether a pioneering eldest or an aspiring youngest, we sisters are uniquely attuned to the non-replicable nature of sisterhood bonds.
Like any other relationship, sisters are complicated. One moment, they are your heroes, capable of no wrong, and the next they are initiating World War III over the theft of their beloved red sweater. But regardless of the fights, name calling or tattling to mom, there is a magic to sisterhood that can’t be replicated. This past Saturday, sitting in the Philly sunshine around a table of my closest friends and my older sister, I was reminded of this magic. So naturally, I had to share my thoughts. For my brothers, only children or nothing of the kind, tune in while I break down the intricacies of a new and unfamiliar world. For my sisters, it’s time to speak our language.
Here are the distinctions of sisterhood, as defined by your local renowned sister. (I am referencing myself here.)
To have a sister:
Anyone can have a sister. Big whoop. So you were born into biological sisterhood. What does it really mean? Simply “having” a sister is a stage of sisterhood in which the relationship is nothing more than familial. There is no investment, no intentionality and no growth towards entering the “more than just siblings” stage of the relationship. This stage consists of forced family hangouts and brief, if any, intentional alone time. The permanence of a sister almost serves as a crutch for a complacent, unexcited and neglected relationship.
Often, this is a natural, and hopefully temporary, era of sisterhood. If you have been on the receiving end, I know, it hurts to be taken for granted. You are more than just a biological counterpart. Never lose hope that you can enter the friend zone.
To befriend a sister:
Now, to befriend a sister, this is the real feat. Sometimes it happens overnight. Other times, it takes years. At some point you realize that your little sister isn’t the pest you made her out to be. Maybe her years of copying your every move were kind of sweet after all. One day you will look at her and see an opportunity: an opportunity for friendship.
Speaking from personal experience, it is riveting to realize you have unlocked a friend in your sibling. Whether you were the overlooked, or the overlooker, embrace your new companion. You have just discovered a friend who is, quite literally, stuck with you forever.
To choose a sister:
Up until this point, we have wrestled purely with our sisters by blood. But reader, those are hardly the only sisters a girl needs to get through life. We ladies need an army. Throughout a lifetime, there are friends we acquire that turn into more than just casual companions. At some point, they too become sisters.
Choosing a sister from scratch is arguably just as important as befriending one you were born with. These chosen comrades will most likely be with you on the most important days of your life, holding your hand at graduation or watching with a smile as you walk down the aisle. Choose wisely.
To be a sister:
Not to get too sappy, but to be a sister is one of the biggest joys there is. To be on the receiving end of sisterly love is almost unparalleled, whether it be from a biological or a chosen sister. The solidarity amongst sisters is capable of getting you through the darkest of times, and fills the happiest of times with even more joy.
For those of you unfamiliar with the power of sisterhood, I have to offer two sincere apologies. The first is for your loss. The second is for dedicating this week’s column to something completely irrelevant to your life. Again, my condolences. I had to.
It’s time to put aside the petty disagreements over clothes and who the favorite child is (it’s still me) and see your sisters in all their shining glory. Whether they are by blood or perfect strangers who stuck around, sisters are a gift. To have, to befriend, to choose or to be: I’m calling on all my sisters.
With love.