The following content is purely satirical. Don’t believe everything you read!
I cannot state whether or not I believe Kyle Neptune should have gotten fired. I know nothing about him. I know nothing about basketball. I am not qualified to have an opinion.
Whether or not Neptune deserved to get fired, I support it. Do I support him getting fired because I know about his coaching skills or even his personality? No.
I support Neptune being fired because I think more people should get fired just because we don’t like them. That’s amazing.
All I know is that I heard a public uproar about how Neptune should get fired, and all of a sudden I was told that he had gotten fired. As far as I’m concerned, the people in charge listened to the public.
It is in my humble opinion that more people should get fired just because the majority does not like them.
It is in my not-so-humble opinion that more people should get fired for the simple fact that I do not like them.
So, here are my top 10 picks for who should get fired Kyle Neptune style next.
10. The Steve Rogers Captain America at Disneyland
Why is this guy still around? Steve Rogers isn’t Captain America anymore. I want Sam Wilson Captain America, and Sam Wilson Captain America only. Disneyland, do what needs to be done.
9. Travis Kelce
I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I love the guy. Really, I do. I just think it’s time to pack it up. Call it a day. Quit while you’re ahead.
He’s never going to quit, though. He’s just going to keep playing until he dies, and it’s going to get embarrassing soon. It’s kind of embarrassing now.
The only way to make him stop playing is to fire him. I’m begging. Please.
8. Lorne Michaels
I actually also love Lorne Michaels. I think he’s done a great job running Saturday Night Live for the last 50 years. He’s great.
But don’t you think SNL could be better? Don’t you think that they could get an even better producer?
7. Adrian Brody
I don’t even need to dignify this with an explanation. I am still so mad that he won the Oscar.
Take away his SAG card. Ban him from being in movies. I don’t care.
Maybe he can make a career out of using AI to get ahead. He seems good at it.
6. My Least Favorite Professor
For obvious reasons, I will not be sharing the name of this professor. Surely, they know who they are. Or, they will when they get fired after this article.
Sorry, buddy. You won’t be missed.
5. Nick Jonas
Now this might be tough considering his brothers would have to be the ones to fire him. That seems like a tricky situation, but I actually don’t care.
In fact, I think his brothers would agree with me. He’s annoying and pretentious and I don’t like his vibe.
Plus, if my brother acted like he was more talented than me, I would also kick him out of our band.
4. King Charles III
I actually don’t think that you can fire a king, but in the spirit of exercising our democratic rights as citizens of the world, I think this would be pretty cool.
I do think it would be considered a revolution of some kind, and, as long as it doesn’t affect our country, I could be down with that.
3. Luka Dončić
Yes, I did have to copy his name from Google because I didn’t know how to spell it.
Now, some people might think this is cruel. He’s already been through so much.
I think it’s time to put him out of his misery. Let the poor guy go. He clearly doesn’t want to play in LA. Just let him find another career at this point.
2. Gleb From Dancing With the Stars
Nobody hates this man more than I do. I hate him. I need him to get fired. I’m being so serious. If this man is on my TV screen next fall when the new season comes out, I will wreak havoc. Fire him. Now.
1. The Villanovan co-Editors-In-Chief, Brooke Ackerman and Nicole Liddicoat
Coming in first place are the first and only women on the list. I would never take a job away from a woman. But, I have to make an exception for these two.
I’m sorry. I have to speak my truth. It’s time for them to go.
It’s time for a fresh face to take over The Villanovan. Perhaps a really talented satire writer.
