You heard it here first: “Love on Lancaster” is back and better than ever. Reporting straight from Villanova, every week we will deliver the scoop on all things love in the 19085. Romantic, platonic, sisterly or other, we’ve got you covered. While The Villanovan is certainly the place for all things sports, fashion, politics, podcasts or even movies, where on earth is the love? While it may not be breaking news, it’s the news we all truly want to hear. Valentine’s Day tragedies? First kiss horrors? Marriage pact check-ins? Heart-warming roommate bonds? Maybe even Orientation group couples? Deep down every one of us has an inner romantic just waiting to be fed. Well, folks, consider your dinner served.
First up on the agenda: Valentine’s Day. Maybe you hate it, maybe you love it, regardless, Feb. 14 looms over any and all things love-related. The Super Bowl for romantics, and the inevitable downfall of situationships who haven’t quite figured out “what this is,” it’s a day sure to prove either illuminating, heartwarming or utterly depressing. Today, however, we aren’t here to cover the roses and chocolates, or lack thereof, but rather a much more interesting phenomenon that manifests itself in the shadow of cupid.
If you happened to open your phone on this year’s day of love, you were surely met with an avalanche of Happy Valentine’s Day posts, depicting smiling couples out to dinner or flashbacks from their scenic beach vacation. While most faces were familiar, these romantic gestures weren’t all from high school couples going on five years strong (Mazel Tov, truly). The holiday seems to present the perfect opportunity to debut a freshly blossoming relationship. And thus, we enter the highly contested arena of how to properly launch the presence of a significant other.
The art of posting your newest love interest is a difficult task to master. It takes class, poise and frankly, a more than half decent picture to pull off a successful social media launch. Not to be the bearer of bad news, but the majority of you failed. Badly. In the Valentine’s Day spirit, we will break down some classic faux pas from infamous social media debuts, highlighting the one liners we can look forward to every year on the dot.
My Forever Valentine:
This classic never gets old. Every year I love seeing the forever Valentine’s, especially when they’re a different one from the year before. Maybe save this one for marriage? Even then, use this scarcely; 50% of marriages end in divorce.
Red Heart:
Classy. Understated. This simple emoji just gets the job done. However, an important caveat is that the Instagram handle of your Valentine simply must be included. If not, we have no other choice but to think you are ashamed, potentially held hostage and coerced into this profession of love (also, us nosey singles want to stalk).
The Essay:
Keep it brief people. No one is looking to read a dissertation on why your boyfriend is the most perfect man to exist. We know you can’t live without him. We know you were lost before you met. All captions must be fewer than 10 words. Save it for the vows.
Just a Picture:
Oh, so you’re better than everyone else? We get it, you are so above captions and emojis that your aesthetic photography of your beautiful girlfriend is the post itself. It must be tiresome being that cool. This approach is reserved for the couple that we all absolutely detest for one reason and one reason alone: we are not them.
The Collage:
No really, one will suffice. Thank you for thinking of us and wishing to share all these special moments, but truly, it’s not necessary. We don’t need to be included at this level. We followed you back on Instagram, we did not subscribe to your newsletter.
Happy Valentine’s Day:
You know what, fine, we’ll take it. As long as it is accompanied by a wholesome picture, this post isn’t committing any criminal offenses. I mean, these couples have to tell each other “Happy Valentine’s Day” somehow. If only they had a way to communicate this to one and another without brandishing it on social media. What a world that would be.
While this may appear a slanderous campaign against Valentine displays of affection, it’s all in good humor. In all seriousness, keep it up. We need something to laugh, or cry, about these days. So whether you’re breaking the sensational news of your new relationship status on Feb. 14, or any other day of the year, do so with the remembrance that we are anxiously awaiting your post. If not for the sake of pure, unadulterated jealousy, for mockery and judgement. Wishing you and your new, or old, Valentines the best of luck. We look forward to finding out if you will still be his forever Valentine next year.
With love.
