In an effort to get to know my fellow Villanovans, I want to take to campus each week and ask a variety of students to anonymously respond to one meaningful question. With the hope of anonymity sparking genuine and thoughtful answers, I thought I would begin with a discussion of friendship.  

It was a nine-year-old’s worst nightmare: soccer tryouts. I was sinking in the seat of my car, picking my fingernails as my mom repeated her spiel about how committing to a team meant showing up even when I didn’t want to go. I obviously wasn’t listening because the only thought racing through my head was that I would fall on my face or score on my own goal or colossally disappoint my technically skilled second-grade counterparts. Luckily, I don’t remember any of that happening. I do, however, remember meeting my best friend, which was even luckier.  

If there is one thing I have learned from the Augustine and Culture Seminar class, it is that a good life is one full of meaningful relationships. With that and the pitiful realization that I can’t see my best friend for another month, I decided to ask Villanova students to take me with them into their memories. I wanted to know about the moment a best friend is made. Is the connection made immediately? Or, is friendship something you grow into? 

“Our dads grew up together, so we were basically always going to be friends,” one student said. “But I’ve never been so thankful for my dad’s circle. [My friend is] the funniest person I know. It’s like she has my thought before I’ve already thought it.”

Another described her best friend as a maternal figure. 

“It’s funny, she made me lunch before work every single day this summer,” she said. 

This pair met on the bus to the first day of summer camp – a serendipitous seating chart was all it took to form this connection. After a summer full of laughter and partnered activities, they returned to their different friend groups in middle school. They drifted, and yet, when this student’s boy best friend revealed his feelings, the only person she could think of calling was the girl she met over lake swims and bonfires. 

“Even though we were only friendly in school and summer was months ago, she felt like the only person I could talk to,” she said. “I can talk to her endlessly for hours or sit in comfortable silence. She’s the person that knows me the best in the world.”

My favorite part about interviewing students was seeing their smiles grow as they mentioned their best friend. 

“My mom forced me to hang out with her one day after school,” a student said. “I don’t remember how it all happened. One day, I thought she was the quiet girl in my class, and now I don’t think there’s a more perfect person for me.” 

In every case, students have mentioned a best friend from home, one that seemed to have stayed close to them through all the changes of childhood and remained close with them today. They spoke with such adoration, the same light in an eye that appears when speaking of a romantic partner. Perhaps friends are just as fated as lovers. 

But, with all the changes surrounding college, one of the hardest is going from knowing every minute detail of one’s best friend’s life to becoming long-distance friends. I asked these same people how they maintain their friendships and if their relationship has changed. 

Many had similar communication strategies, texting when they could and calling every week or so to catch up. They found that with college schedules it is challenging to find time, but when they do it is like being transported back to their childhood home’s kitchen discussing who is taking who to prom. 

“When I’m with them, nothing has changed,” one student said. 

Another didn’t believe the lack of proximity has strained their relationship. 

“It’s never the contrived ‘Hi, how are you?’ texts, but rather ‘This makes me think of you’ or ‘What’s your opinion on this?’” the student said.

She explained how a conversation would come up frequently and naturally because they are such a big part of each other’s lives. 

“She’s the first person I want an opinion from, so it just makes sense to talk all the time.”

Others don’t find it so easy to find time, but they find solace in the fact that they have years under their belt. 

“She doesn’t know that I spilled my iced coffee this morning, but that’s okay,” a student said. “I still know her bedroom walls were once painted lime green and that her mom’s favorite Beatles song is ‘Here Comes the Sun.’ And that’s more than her college friends can say.” 

I wish I could relive the soccer tryout where I met my best friend. To whisper to my eight-year-old self that the girl next to me who forgot her shin guards and tirelessly itched her arms from the too-tight jersey would soon become one of the most important people in my life. I envy the pure, concentrated time we once had without having to play catch up on the phone or crossing my fingers that our school breaks align. 

“Maybe she won’t always be my best friend, but she’ll always be my best friend for a certain time of my life,” one student said. “And for that, I’ll always feel grateful.”