Dear U.S. Government (All three branches. This is very serious.) 

There are so many reasons why banning TikTok would be detrimental to society. I could go on and on about this topic for hours. However, I think the best way to explain why TikTok should not be banned is through a TikTok trend from a few months ago. Its origin was a well-intended, yet incredibly racist, comment from Kelly Osborne on The View. The original line by Osbourne was, “If you kick every Latino out of this country, then who is going to be cleaning your toilets, Donald Trump?” This is ridiculous enough that anyone can imagine the internet trends that would come from it. The longevity of the 2015 comment and its popularity on the internet mirror the legacy that TikTok can have if you please just let it live. 

So, please, sit back, relax and let me illustrate to you how horrible the world would be if you ban TikTok in the United States through a TikTok trend. This is very meta, so just let it be what it is.  

If you ban TikTok, then who is going to help me do my homework every day? I need my allotted 10 minutes of TikTok for every 20 minutes of hard work I complete. I do not think you understand how important those little breaks are to my education. Without them, I can assure you, I will never get anything done. You are ruining the education system.  

If you ban TikTok, then who is going to help put me to sleep at night? If I don’t have my eye doctor ASMR, Sunday resets and Irish carpentry videos to watch every night, I can assure you I will not fall asleep. And, as we all know, a lack of sleep is dangerous for everyone.  

If you ban TikTok, then who is going to start paying my therapy bills? If I don’t randomly see a TikTok edit of Peter Parker crying at Tony Stark’s grave while I’m eating breakfast, I won’t get my spontaneous cry that allows me to release all my pent-up emotions. TikTok regulates my emotions, and I am not prepared to go to therapy if you take TikTok away from me.  

If you ban TikTok, then who is going to promote songs? Almost every popular song today got its start from a 15-second snippet of it being a various trend or dance. I cannot count the times I learned a wonderful part of a song from a trend. I mean, I don’t like most of them, but still, how am I going to be exposed to new music without those trends? 

If you ban TikTok, then who is going to watch Young Sheldon? I will never actually sit down and watch an episode of that show, but I will sit through hours and hours of split screen Young Sheldon clips and soap-cutting videos. I need to know what else happens on that show, and I will never know if it doesn’t come up on my For You Page. 

If you ban TikTok, then who is going to convince me to buy things I do not need to buy? Not only would you be getting rid of the swarm of influencers trying to sell me random products, but you will also be getting rid of the notorious TikTok shop. And what will I do if I do not waste my well-earned money on every piece of Travis Kelce merch I see?  

If you ban TikTok, then who is going to be my primary news source? Everyone is so worried about CNN and Fox being too biased, but you know who’s not biased? The people who give me news on TikTok. They’re always super unbiased and super correct about all of their information. I do not know what I would do without my TikTok news anchors.  

Most importantly, if you ban TikTok, who is going to fill the gaping hole left in my life? We talk about how dangerous parasocial relationships are, but if you take this app away from me, you are genuinely taking away a part of my life. You might think I’m kidding, but I’m literally not. Not only are you taking away all of my comfort content creators, but you are taking away my comfort app. Does that sound like something you want to do? Do you really want to deal with the consequences of ruining the lives of countless internet-dependent teenagers across this once great nation?  

I could give you countless more reasons, but I feel like I’ve made a pretty compelling argument here. TikTok is not just an app. It’s a therapist, a tutor, a nanny, a news anchor and a marketing icon. So, government people, it’s your move. Think before you get rid of the most important innovation this country has ever seen.