A friend asked me to fill out a spring break survey, and I began to think about spring break. Was I satisfied with the service provided by my spring break travel company? No. Did this make for a more interesting trip and teach me a valuable lesson? Maybe. Did I hate the fact that we shared a room with some ants? Yes. Did this experience make me an expert on the Bahamas? Probably not. However, whether or not I am an expert is trivial. The reason for this is because this particular account of the Bahamas is purely based on my own opinion.

The Flight: Trans Meridian Airlines-Before about two months ago, I had never heard of Trans Meridian Airlines, but I got on their plane anyway, and they delivered me safely to Nassau. I intended to test them a second time when I returned to the States, but I still had a whole week to burn before that happened. In the meantime, I had a place to stay, a few dollars to spend and a big green ocean to swim in. Most people associate the color blue with the ocean. This ocean was green. Deal with it.

Hotel # 1: The Colony Club-Imagine ordering a nice, juicy hamburger from Burger King. Now instead of getting a hamburger, imagine being presented with a fried rat sandwiched between two pieces of moldy bread. The Colony Club was not what we expected. Basically, the Colony Club was poverty with a swimming pool. Sometimes, the showers didn’t work.

The longer we stayed there, the more ants I noticed inside our room. The bed sheets felt dirty. As bad as the rooms were, the service may have actually been worse. It was expected that the hotel workers would mess up our food orders. I was literally amazed if they got anyone’s order correct. We arrived at the Colony Club on Friday night and left Sunday Afternoon.

Hotel # 2: The Nassau Beach Hotel – If you go to the Bahamas, you should stay at the Nassau Beach Hotel. The Colony Club was the epitome of a bad deal, and moving to the Nassau Beach Hotel was like starting spring break anew.

Instead of walking out of the room and straight into poverty, we were able to walk out of our room and onto some sand. Just past that sand was a whole lot of water that made up an ocean. The water was slightly colder than expected, but beggars can’t be choosers and we certainly weren’t living near beggars anymore.

The Nightclubs: The Zoo probably had the best music, but a bouncer there scared the hell out of my friend with a rubber snake. The only time I was there, the place was packed and was way too hot. The night after we left for home, Petey Pablo was performing at The Zoo. Petey, I can assure you that we all raised up, took our collective shirts off and spun them around our respective heads like a helicopter. Cocktails and Dreams was another one of the clubs down there. Because of its proximity to the Colony Club, we went here the first night in the Bahamas.

I don’t think the natives liked us very much, although a few people from the group played some of the natives in dominoes. Cocktails and Dreams really showed us what it meant to party. The third and final nightclub we went to was Waterloo. Waterloo was a lot of fun. As a group, we knew we struck gold when they played a reggae version of “Part-Time Lover.” You can’t find that song just anywhere. But we did.

Daytime Amusement: The beach was absolutely perfect. Natives were always walking around trying to peddle some product. Most of the time it was either alcohol, booze cruise vouchers or Cuban cigars. Several of them also tried to get us to invest in an hour on a wave runner. Those silly natives didn’t realize that I could simply pass out and dream about being on a wave runner. This turned out to be much cheaper and safer. Another fun thing to do during the day was the booze cruise.

When you really think about it, the booze cruise is just a recipe for disaster. They are serving free alcohol on a boat. Those are two potential contributing factors in making someone very nauseous.

Most of the rest of the trip included sleeping, inebriation, some gambling (the slots are fantastic) and several other successful attempts at immaturity. The Bahamas can be a lot of fun as long as you go down there with the right people and be careful not to get duped into a bad deal.

Obviously, this information is of no use to most people, being that the next spring break is 10 months away. But perhaps this account was vivid enough to make you think that you were down there with us.

Or maybe you were there to see it for yourself.