Santo staples NFL together

Santo Caruso

The average person’s attention span has been measured to be approximately seven seconds, (It’s science). I’m going to keep all of my thoughts on the opening weekend of the NFL to this….focus, focus over here, words, beer, sex, drugs……strictest of budgets.

Miami/Denver- If you’re the GM of Miami, don’t you have San Diego on speed dial to get Phillip Rivers? Aren’t you calling every day like some obsessed ex-girlfriend? They are one mediocre QB from being the 2000 Ravens, but they just refuse to take that step.

Pittsburgh/Tennessee- Do not be fooled, the Titans are just terrible. Do not pick up Roethlisberger off of the fantasy waiver wires and expect that every week.

Cincinatti/Cleveland- DO however get Carson Palmer. He has thrown 13 Touchdowns over his last five starts.

Kansas City/ NY Jets- I really think KC has improved on D, but is Pennington starting to get in the range of overrated, weak armed and now slippery handed quarterback?

Chicago/Washington- If Paul Taglibue was smart he’d have all tapes and stats from this game thrown out, and never let these two teams play again.

Indianapolis/Baltimore- Think Ray Lewis is longing for the days of Trent Dilfer again? Can Kyle Boller’s locker be anywhere near Lewis’? Or is he so scared he hides in a stall till everyone leaves, and showers with his pads still on.

Detroit/Green Bay- Let the countdown begin, one of my starting fantasy player down (Javon Walker), 16 to go. I already see Jamal Lewis’ impending arrest.

Oakland/New England- At least one sports writer I read felt New England looked vulnerable, but in all honesty I saw the same problems as last year. Brady is still a winner and as soon as they get an Offensive Coordinator they’ll be fine. And they won by 10 points.

New Orleans/Carolina- I’m not just a little scared of New Orleans, I’m terrified. I don’t want to see a team that played almost every game on the road in the playoffs. That’s like fighting Rocky six months after beating him.

Dallas/San Diego- Drew Bledsoe to Keyshawn Johnson? You’re kidding right? Were John Elway and Shannon Sharpe not available? At least they are Hall-of-Famers.

San Francisco/St. Louis- No team is more poorly coached than the Rams. With Vermeil, the Rams were exciting, confident, and played with the heart and passion of a head coach that cries when he watches “The Notebook.”

Arizona/NY Giants- Still not in love with Eli Manning, he’s a less athletic Peyton and Peyton is a less athletic…..every player in the league. The team clearly wants Tiki to be his Edgerrin James (not a bad match) and Plaxico Burress to be Marvin Harrison .

Since Monday never happened, We’ll never speak of that game again.