What really sticks in my craw

Kai Beasley

You know what really sticks in my craw? It’s That Guy. You know the one, Villanova. It’s the guy who thinks he knows more than you about everything. I feel like we’ve all encountered “That Guy” at some point; as a matter of fact, most of us have daily interactions with “That Guy.” He might even be sitting next to you right now as you read this (it’s okay to take a look at him but just be discreet about it; typically, That Guy can be very aggressive and territorial during mating season).

In case you don’t quite understand what I’m talking about, allow me to break it down. I’m talking about the guy whoinsists that you’re wrong on everything. Take something that’s common knowledge. Say you’re having a conversation about math with one of your friends, and you state the fact that eventually, the number .9999999… becomes 1 (1/3 = .333…, .333…x .333…= .999…, 1/3 x 3 = 1… therefore .9999… = 1). Well that guy would butt into your conversation and tell you that itis impossible No matter how clear you make your argument, you will never be right.

The worst part about “That Guy” is that he always sounds good. He can almost convince you that 2 + 2 equals 7 if he wanted. Every time a subject comes up “That Guy” is right there to make you feel like you are inadequate. He knows more about culture than you do, he’s been to more places than you have, he can eat more hot dogs than you can and his teeth are whiter.

And fellas, if you’re in a relationship, “That Guy” is even more of a nuisance. He’s always there because he’s your girlfriend’s best guy friend, and all he does is one-up you at every opportunity. Your girlfriend, in turn, always talks about how funny and how great “That Guy” is (I’m speaking from experience. For me, “That Guy” was Justin Timberlake with his seductive looks and sexy poster. The jerk.) You would probably want to punch him in the face if he didn’t convince you that you liked him so much.

Now what is the deal with “That Guy”? Why does he feel the need to make everyone else feel small? Is it that we are all really small? Now, Villanova, I’m going to let you in on a little secret. “That Guy” is insecure. The only way that he knows how to make himself feel better is to make others feel smaller than himself.

And therein lies the key to defeating “That Guy.” One must fight insecurity with security. You are all lions! Remember that. A lion never questions that he is the baddest animal on the savanna. “That Guy” could never sway the confidence of a lion (he would probably be eaten by him). Before you become frustrated by “That Guy” remember who you are. Remember that you’re great. Remember that you are a King (wait, Lion… King?). No one should be able to convince you that you are anything less than great. And that’s what really sticks in my craw. Good luck, Villanova, and godspeed.