Let me qualify myself as a movie critic first. My DVD collection includes such classics as “Commando,” “Road House,” “Death Wish” and “Red Dawn.” If anyone can enjoy a bad movie, it’s me. I like over the top.
Now that we’ve gotten that out of the way, “Transporter 2” may have been the worst movie I have ever seen.
The first one was a watchable action movie. Not Shakespeare by anyone’s standard, but a decent flick if you don’t want to do a whole lot of thinking and like to see stuff get blown up. You knew it was over the top, but you were willing to let it slide.
“Transporter 2” shook my faith in humanity. It stars Jason Statham reprising his role as Frank Martin. This time we find him in Miami, acting as a chauffeur/body guard for a wealthy politician (Matthew Modine).
Complications arise when a group of Columbian drug lords hire a henchman to release a deadly virus at a conference attended by Modine. To achieve this end, the henchmen kidnap Modine’s son and infect him with the virus, hoping Modine will infect other politicians at an upcoming drug conference.
As you can imagine, Frank Martin isn’t having any of this. From here, over the top action ensues.
All the work that was done by “Die Hard” to remake the action genre is undone in an hour and a half. Ridiculous car chases, shoot-outs, explosions, basically any action movie clichÃ© you can name is thrown in there.
The writers try to throw us a love story, (I guess for the ladies in the audience,) between Statham and Mathew Modine’s wife, played by Amber Valletta, but this again falls flat.
Midway thorough the movie I found myself just hoping one of the main characters would get blown up so I could go home and drink Nyquil until I forgot this movie was made.
This movie wears it. Hard and thoroughly.