You know what really sticks in my craw? People who can’t live without drama. Actually, this is a serious condition, Villanova. Statistics say that this condition plagues 48 percent of college students and over 60 percent of college freshmen.
The scientific name is homodramaform encephalopathy, or more commonly known as HDE. The disease was discovered in North America during the 1960s when, well, I think we all know what happened in the ’60s. The recurrence of the disease dropped dramatically during the ’70s and ’80s.
Scientists say that this sharp drop off was probably due to a lack of stupidity (an environment in which the ailment thrives). During the early ’90s, with the increase in prevalence of gangsta rap and punk rock, HDE began to reappear in populations between the ages of 12 and 27.
With the increased popularity of television shows such as “Beverly Hills 90210,” “Melrose Place” and more recently, “The O.C.,” cases of HDE have risen to an all-time high.
The symptoms of this debilitating condition are plain to see. It is usually marked by people engaging in certain behaviors or making certain decisions in spite of the fact that they know that they will bring negative consequences. I warn you, many relationships have been torn apart by this disease.
How can you know if you or someone you know is suffering from HDE?
Here are some signs: 1) repeating the phrase, “I don’t know; I was drunk,” 2) repeating the phrase, “Ehhh, come on, it was a party and I was just having a really good time,” 3) approaching problems from the standpoint that everything happens for a reason, 4) using the term “whooo college!” at least three times a week or 5) just being dumb.
If you or someone you love is suffering from HDE, there is only one cure. Read this part carefully. The cure is as follows: you must first stand them up and make sure that their head is at a 90 degree angle off the ground then proceed to slap them. This procedure may need to be repeated a number of times as long as the symptoms persist.
HDE is a very dangerous disease that can result in a loss of job opportunities, friendships, significant others and occasionally, limbs and motor functions.
This disease is not to be confused with having a good time. Personally, I love having a good time. Alcohol can be fun and sharing it with friends can be even more fun. But at the same time, you cannot do things that you know will have negative consequences and then when those consequences occur, complain about them.
(When I say “things,” I mean like hooking up with someone at a party when you know your girlfriend or boyfriend is present, getting in fights and blaming it on inebriation, or sleeping through a job interview because you are hung over from the night before.)
I can’t count of the number of times I have heard something like, “My best friend and I got into a big fight the other night because we were really drunk and now life sucks,” or, “I know I need to study in order to get into law school, but I’m just really tired” or my personal favorite, “We’re in love, but I’m just so confused right now.”
Villanova, you need to realize that life is good. You’re young, some of you are beautiful and you aren’t homeless. There isn’t much that can ruin your life other than you. I like to think about “The O.C.” because I love it (it’s the greatest show on television).
But at the same time, the people on that show have more money than God and live in the O.C., yet they still have problems? What problems could they possibly have? 50 Cent got shot nine times, but the people on “The O.C.” have problems? Tupac Shakur’s mother was on crack, but the people on “The O.C.” have problems? That just doesn’t make sense.
We don’t need to create problems where there are none. The answer is simple.
If you are a belligerent drunk, then stop being belligerent or stop being drunk.
If you need to get good grades, then go to class.
If you’re confused about your life, don’t screw it up even more because you’re confused; just find something to do with yourself.
Life has enough drama without people doing stupid things to make it even harder.
And that’s what really sticks in my craw. Good luck, Villanova, and godspeed.