What really sticks in my craw

Kai Beasley

You know what really sticks in my craw? After a lengthy and very rewarding internship with the U.S. Senate, I’ve found that Congress really bugs me. They don’t do anything. They just sit there all day with their suits, their fancy talking and their tootsie rolls. I mean really folks, Congress is nothing more than a giant frat.

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve sat in the chamber and heard something like, “Hey, we’re all going to Senator Frist’s house after the vote. I’m going to get plastered!” Or how many times I’ve been in the cafeteria and seen several of the “cooler” house representatives walk by a Washington D.C. delegate, knock her tray off the table and make fun of her because she can’t vote. (I often am the one to console people after such run-ins with these Congressional bullies). Trent Lott even matches his pink tie with his pink socks and sometimes pops the collar on his suit jacket. If that doesn’t scream college fraternity, I don’t know what does. 

I actually find it surprising that more people haven’t wised up to the sometimes ridiculous everyday goings-on of our Congress; all it takes is a few hours of C-SPAN. I warn you, though, C-SPAN can be pretty rough and vulgar. It’s like the Capitol’s version of “Dennis Miller Live.” (By the way, Dennis Miller has been telling the same jokes his whole career. How do people still find him funny?)

I don’t ask that you watch our Congress religiously, but everyone should be well educated on how our government works and the ridiculous things that they do. Let’s give a few examples, shall we? Before I start, keep in mind that Americans are dying in a war that, regardless of whether or not it should have been fought, has been handled poorly to date. Israel, until recently, was bombing Lebanon, and innocent people were dying on both sides. As it stands, peace is extremely fragile. Our military is so far spread out that when it comes to fighting our enemies, our military strategies resemble a game of Whack-a-Mole. And we are in the middle of a serious energy crisis that has me paying $50 just to fill up my car. One would think with all those important things going on in the world that Congress could find some important things to do. Right?

Congress debates about an amendment to the Constitution that would make flag burning illegal. Not that anyone should want to burn the flag, but first of all, why would you want to burn a flag? It doesn’t do anything. That’s just a waste of a match. You could be grilling something. And number two, there were all of like six flag-burnings in the previous year. I guess flag burning is clearly a huge problem among American citizens. Congress also debated about whether or not homosexuals should be allowed to marry each other. Why? What does it matter it to you? What does it matter to anyone, besides the two people who want to get married? Do you lose your job or does your house blow up because two men or two women decide to get hitched? I mean that never happens, except that one time two homosexuals got married and my house exploded, but other than that I’m pretty sure that has never happened.

And my personal favorite, Congress debated whether or not to make it legal for Americans to consume horses. Horses? I mean on the one hand, a man should be able to eat whatever he wants as long as it isn’t human. But on the other hand, why would you want to eat a horse? I mean, it’s a horse. I’m sure initially you would be like, “Aw, dude, it’s a horse! Yeah, I’ll eat it.” But then when you really stop and think about it, it’s like, “Dude, it’s a horse.” Let’s think about this. Would you eat Barbaro?

Anyway, the point is that with all the important stuff going on in the world, this is what Congress focuses on. It’s no wonder we are in the trouble that we find ourselves in with energy and foreign policy. Those issues simply aren’t being tackled by our government with the sense of urgency that they need to be.

Moral of the story? Be informed. Ultimately it is us, the citizens, who make the choices. When you vote, know what your candidate stands for. Don’t just vote because you think you are a Democrat or a Republican or because you like the way George Bush raises his eyebrows with satisfaction when he actually completes a sentence without offending someone or some country. It’s your government, and it can only be corrupted when you do nothing. P.S. Shout out to my people: Rep. Katherine Harris, Sen. Sam Brownback and Sen. Jim DeMint. I love y’all, but on the real, it’s probably not a good idea to make America an officially Christian state, especially with all of the holy wars going on. Just a thought.

And that’s what really sticks in my craw. Good luck, Villanova, and godspeed.