WARNING: This just in … Your life is now being published. Frankly, I love it, so please continue putting yourselves in insanely crazy situations. BTW (for all of those who do not go on Instant Messenger, that means by the way) this information is real … so deal with it! Oh, and keep it on the “TL.”

XOXO, Your ‘Nova Gossip Girl

Hoops Mania, clearly a night to remember

Finally, the juniors have prevailed and made it into ‘Nova Gossip. It was a night to remember for one particular junior. This remarkable male went to Hoops Mania with a purpose. Sources say that a 6-foot-4-inch severely-inebriated student made his way from West Campus to the Pavilion on Friday night. He anticipated the pending event by waiting with all the other students in abnormally cold weather. He joined in cheers and chants as the clock counted down to the main event.

Once inside, he found himself getting a little antsy. He soon noticed, like any other student, that when one drinks an abnormal amount of any type of liquid before an event, the said offender will have to locate a restroom. You can only imagine how the story ends up … or can you?

Basically, it was divulged that the male made his way to the back of the Pavilion and right into the men’s basketball locker room! He made his way in with great confidence, traveling right past ‘Nova’s elite and headed for the bathroom. When he finished his “business,” he rallied behind the team and started for the door … until he spotted him. My mystery junior was the first to spot 50 Cent, even before the team!

All of a sudden, it was time for the basketball team’s big debut, and our “mystery pee-er” was still in the locker room. No one had noticed him yet! He decided that it was his big chance. He always wanted the highly-coveted basketball sweatshirts. So there he was, all alone with 12 freshly washed sweatshirts just ready for the season to begin. He looked to the left and then to the right and knew he needed a party favor.

So … he snatched one and peaced out! All I can say is that our inebriated friend was totally all there, and this night will be a night he will remember forever.

“Am I easy or are you just being easy?”

“Mean Girls” said it well: “Halloween is the one night a year when girls can dress like a total slut and no other girls can say anything about it.” Umm, well, I’m the other girl, and this week my eye was not only blinded by a girl who was dressed in nude undergarments with leaves covering her, depicting a scantily clad forest nymph, but also a crazy male who deserves an award.

The girl pranced around like she was “all that,” while other party-goers whispered and wondered, who was she? In reference to “Mean Girls,” we thought that the slutiness could only apply to the girls. Well, ladies you thought wrong, because a sophomore male decided to take matters into his own hands and “one-up” the sultry leaf girl. As the Friday night madness continued, the male appeared at The Binn doors with a large box around his body. It read, “Kissing booth” on the front side and, “It’s not easy being easy” on the back.

He went room to room stealing kisses from giddy girl attendees and truly made it an easy night! FYI you might have seen him rummaging through the Kennedy Hall dumpsters at odd hours of the night looking for the perfect book box to accommodate the perfect kiss.

“Short Shorts”

• It has been brought to my attention once again … Facebook. I just want to send an FYI out to all of those who claim that they are “in a relationship.” It is your duty as boyfriend and girlfriend to place this onto the World Wide Web for the appropriate viewers. In my book, you are not classified as being “in a relationship” unless it is specified in the relationship status category.

So for the sake of me and gossip … please accept the status of your significant other and make the world a better place, especially for the information provided in this column!

• We all know that Halloween is one of the most exciting times at Villanova. Well … let’s just say that two party crashers took Halloween to a whole new level. Saturday night, the apartments were hoppin’ and crashers were in rare form. Four junior girls decided to have an amazing bash with a whole bath tub full of fun. At the beginning of the party, the roommates filled the bathtub with ice and drinks which set the mood for the rest of the night.

All of a sudden, two unexpected guests drank and did not contribute to the “tub-o-fun.” In the knowledgeable words of Stephanie Tanner, “How rude!”

• Bad news bears … the rugby team was evicted from its house this past weekend. They had one last party to commemorate their time at the fabulous abode. Speaking for the female population at Villanova, I will miss the excitement that once was the rugby house.