Scorpio (Oct. 23 – Nov. 21)When you wake up from a sugar-induced coma, you will be pleased to learn that you managed to win the candy-eating contest but won’t be able to eat candy again until next Halloween.
Sagittarius (Nov. 22 – Dec. 21)Dressed as a contestant from “Legends of the Hidden Temple,” you think your costume will steal the show (and the $50 prize for best costume). However, when the results come in, watch out for the purple parrot, who might trump your silver snake with the matching yellow mouth guard.
Capricorn (Dec. 22 – Jan. 19)Outraged at the media’s consumption of every holiday that made your childhood stable, you bitterly storm into an elementary school cafeteria and declare that the Easter Bunny, Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, leprechauns and Jack Skeleton don’t exist. The PTA is considering suing you, not because you traumatized their children, but because you brought your French fries into the “junk food-free zone. You might want to lay low for a while …
Aquarius (Jan. 20 – Feb. 18)After Hoops Mania, you are convinced that 50 Cent actually cares about his fans and decide to follow him around the country in order to coerce him into donating money to Darfur. Just don’t drop out of school, or your obsession could lead to a restraining order.
Pisces (Feb. 19 – March 20)Seeing Santa Claus on campus the day before Halloween has inspired you to bust out the Christmas spirit earlier than TV ads this year. Before you blow up that inflatable snow globe, check with your RA, and remember to play Mariah Carey’s version of “All I Want for Christmas” at a reasonable volume.
Aries (March 21 – April 19)After meeting the man of your dreams at a Halloween party last weekend, you decide to give him a call. Don’t be too disappointed when you learn that he was much more attractive as the Jolly Green Giant, and remember for next year: Go for the pirate. Always go for the pirate.
Taurus (April 20 – May 20)Fed up with mud-slinging election campaigns, you decide to cast your votes based on how many Doritos your roommate can stuff up his nose before having to call VEMS. Come onnnn 5-6!
Gemini (May 21 – June 21)Your Spiderman costume went over really well on Tuesday, but your decision to go bare underneath did not. Try vinegar to get that reddish tinge out of your skin.
Cancer (June 22 – July 22)While waiting in line to pillage the 50-percent-off Halloween candy, you see your professor buying a discounted Playboy Bunny costume. Don’t let it get awkward. Just back away slowly, and run faster than Kevin when he stole the toothbrush in “Home Alone.”
Leo (July 23 – Aug. 22)You see Cinderella eating a turkey wrap in the IK and decide it is time to seek professional help for that insomnia problem. You immediately abandon this idea, however, when your friend informs you that it actually was Oct. 31 and that you just hadn’t slept for a week.
Virgo (Aug. 23 – Sept. 22)Your girlfriend will send disappointing glares in your general direction while you ogle the “boo”ty-licious Halloween costumes. On the plus side, you got that forest nymph’s phone number.
Libra (Sept. 23 – Oct. 22)Your idea to dress up as a sorority girl for Halloween seemed like a great idea, until another guy mistook you for his ex-girlfriend and tried to get back together with you … and wouldn’t give up … even when you took off your wig.