Dear Wisecat,

I am currently taking a break from my boyfriend of three years. I truly believe that we work well together, I just need to make sure that there is no one else. While I am on this quest to find myself, however, what happens if my boyfriend no longer wants to be with me? Why do I feel that love is like a battlefield one moment and then the next I feel the complete opposite?

Sincerely,

The Warrior of Love

Dear Warrior of Love,

I am sorry. Wait! No, I am not. Why am I apologizing? You’re the one who is making the mistake here. In my opinion, and I can say this because I tend to do it too, females try to plan too much. If they could, they would plan their lives down to the millisecond of happiness. If there were a calendar large enough that was titled, “Your Life-insert commentary here,” I would fill one out, as would 95 percent of the female population. We always seem to think that it is a great, almost ingenious idea, to have a plan for the plan and then a back-up plan for that one and so on. But why? Do these plans really help us? Or do they hurt us? No one said life was going to be easy, or planned out for that matter.

In your situation, three years is a long time, and one should know if it is going to work out or not by now. If you’re trying to make sure that there is no one else, well then that makes me think there is someone else. It is almost as if you’re going to go searching for the little boy that you kissed near the jungle gym during kindergarten recess and ask him if he felt anything because, well, if he did then who knows, Mr. three years could be out the door on his ass.

As for this “quest” that you are on, why do you need to find yourself? If I were your boyfriend, I would seriously question what you are doing and why. It seems as though you are trying to take control and become the leader in this relationship. Well, guess what, there is no such thing as a leader in a relationship. There are two people, two equal contributors, two parts that make up this whole. So you better fill him in on how you are feeling because inevitably this affects him too.

As for love being a battlefield, I suppose it’s possible. But why is that? Is it because we want attention when it comes to relationships? Or is it only because we make it happen? In my opinion, you’re creating this problem for yourself, thus making you think that love is truly a battlefield.

In the end, after all is said and done with your “quest” and you have made your decisions, he may have already made his: to move on. Well, you will just have to see what happens. Nothing really is ever a sure thing. No one really ever loses in any situation. Throughout your search, you will inevitably find out a lot about yourself and him, which means you both have won. Now I don’t want you to think that I am saying relationships should be about winning and losing; I am only speaking metaphorically. However, you must learn from your actions. It might be a little easier to understand relationships as if they were a boomerang, like the movie “Little Black Book.” The idea was that if you throw the boomerang out into the world, it comes back to you. So life lesson number 928: all you can do now is wait for him to fly right back into you arms and surprise you at the most unexpected moment that will sweep you off your feet and remind you why you fit well together.