The WiseCat

Tina Lamsback

Dear Tina,I have been dating my girlfriend for a year now, and it just seems there is this block: she just wants to do everything herself. She doesn’t want me to help her when she’s upset or pick her up when she’s down. It is making me feel as if I am powerless. Can you help me understand the female psyche? Sincerely, Saving HerDear Saving Her,Meredith: “I’m a surgeon. I do the rescuing. You are not my knight in shining whatever.”Derek: “So we’re gonna fight because I pulled you out of the tub.”Meredith: “You have a place. You could sleep at it. And then you don’t have to pull me out of the bathtub. You’re everywhere, all the time, saying things.”Derek: “This is the happily ever after part. And in the happily ever after, the guy is there all the time, saying things, and the girls love it!”Meredith: “Go to work, I’ll see you there.” Derek: “And just for the record, I am your knight in shining whatever.”Yes, Saving Her, I truly believe this quote from “Grey’s Anatomy” is fitting, no matter how cheesy it might seem. However, you do indeed want to be her “knight in shining whatever,” and secretly, she wants you to be that too. If men could only truly see how females see the situation, then life would make sense. However, for right now, I will give you the inside scoop on the inner female. There really is only one type of female in the world: she’s strong, demanding (in a positive way) and steadfast. Life without her, in your world, would be obsolete. But, why doesn’t she want your help? It isn’t that she doesn’t want your help, not even the least bit. The situation is a matter of reliance. She fears that if she cries too much in front of you, she will be labeled as over-emotional. If she complains to you, she will be labeled as being unable to handle herself in the proper manner. But why can’t she just say that? Please, now that would just be too easy. I am sure you have already said something to her about the consistency of her emotions. Just tell her you understand that she wants to be independent, but there comes a time when someone needs help. I mean, we’re not talking about the actual need for someone else. This need is not a sense of reliance; it’s two people co-existing in one relationship. At some point in her life, a young female imagines what her “knight in shining whatever” will be like. Although she might never express this thought, and it might not seem like she loves every minute of it, she really does. In her own way, she will express her love for her significant other in hopes that they will be forever compatible. She hopes for someone who will put up with all the crap, never once wavering, a man who will always put her on a pedestal and never once question why. It is hard for some to think that an “outsider” of her family and immediate friends could feel the same way about her, and that is why she has not yet fully let you in. It is not a question of commitment, because she is there; it is not for a personal reason directed at you either. It is merely that she is in awe: in awe that this is actually occurring and in awe of you. She is just desperately wanting to understand the concept of you. She constantly relies on herself because she is not fully sure where you stand on the relationship. And for once there could be someone other than her family and friends that could be her “knight in shining whatever.” As for right now, she is just in over her head because of what you are offering. Take a slight step back and observe her every move. Let her know that you are there, but don’t be obsessive. Billy Joel said it best, “She’s got a way about her. Don’t know what it is but I know that I can’t live without her.” Now, that is how you feel. How do I know? It’s clear. If you want to be there for her and are constantly obsessing over how to do that, then you most likely can’t live without her. And, for most women, she can’t live without you either. And yes, you are her “knight in shining whatever.”