Editor’s note: This column was co-authored by senior staff reporter Ally Taylor.

Recently the University of Pennsylvania has hired young movie actor Kal Penn to teach classes in his “expertise” and to draw attention to the Asian American Studies Program. He is set to teach Images of Asian Americans in the Media and Contemporary American Teen Films in the spring semester of 2008. In response to this news, we feel that our own experiences make us prime candidates for adjunct professors as well. Considering Mr. Penn has B.A.s in sociology and film, we humbly request that Villanova follow in the Ivy League school’s footsteps and rethink its teaching qualifications in order to consider two graduating seniors for adjunct professors. Keeping in mind Villanova’s mission, “transforming hearts and minds,” we feel we are qualified to teach the following courses hoping to enlighten students and increase the overall intellectual community at the University:

HIST – Special Topics: Conspiracy Theories: Course will examine who was really behind the major events of our time and what “they” don’t want you to know. Subjects examined will include the Kennedy assassination, Henry Kissinger, J. Edgar Hoover, UFOs, Kurt Cobain’s death and Dan Brown’s writing contract.

HUM – Personal Identity and College Society: Cell phones, iPods, the Internet, Facebook, binge drinking, public showers: all these and more have shaped and are beginning to change the atmosphere of the college campus. Study these factors from an objective perspective using sociological theories and methods, and learn how they affect daily student life and identity.

PHI – Cynicism in the 21st Century: Everyone thinks pessimists are smart, right? In this course, students will examine how superficial cynicism makes one appear to possess the insider knowledge that is essential in today’s hypercompetitve, globalized world. After a brief, yet thorough examination of Antisthenes and Nietzsche quotes, the student will be able to ape an appearance of world-weary sophistication rivaling that of one’s favorite TV detective on “Law & Order” or “CSI.”

COM – Music, Concerts and Pop Culture: There’s Bonnaroo, but before Bonnaroo, there was Lollapalooza. Before everything, there was Woodstock. This course will examine the unwritten rules, customs and communication of live music events featuring music of different genres and societies, ranging from jam bands to classical shows, from county fair festivals to hardcore emo mosh pits. Class seeks to promote diversity and encourage the understanding of contrasting cultures through the study of their music.

While we lack the fame of Mr. Penn, we strongly feel that our qualifications to teach these courses are no less than and, in fact, may be greater than our movie star neighbor’s. In addition, our no-name status would only help the University, considering we would humbly work for the same salary as any other adjunct professor and would not consume a substantial portion of these programs’ budgets. We truly want to help the University, as Grace Kao, the director of Penn’s Asian American Studies, believes Mr. Penn truly wants to teach. We thank the University for listening to our request and strongly feel the Villanova community would benefit immensely from our suggested courses.

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Augustine Marinelli is a senior political science major from Atlanta, Ga. He can be reached at [email protected]

Ally Taylor is a senior English major with concentrations in Writing and Rhetoric and Russian Area Studies from Portland, Conn. She can be reached at [email protected]